A humble beginning....

The Partial Truth

2012-01-15T11:57:00.000-08:00

There is a bit of love in hatred. A bit of warmth in a cold shoulder. When you looked at me and said everything will be alright, there was a tinge of worry. A barely noticeable nervous twitch in your confidence. A bit of wrath in a calm smile. A small grudge in true love. You wavered a little, when you were my rock solid support. You skipped a note when you sang. Needless to say, the song was beautiful. The love, life altering. Some sanity in fear, and some insanity in boredom. A bit of hope in despair. Shades of the past in the future. The impulse to look back while you are moving on. There was a hint of a smile when you cried. A trace of a tear when you lit up the room with your smile. That's how life is. Always the partial truth. Maybe you are not supposed to look for perfection. Maybe all you need to do is look for these bits of happiness when you're sad. Maybe life is supposed to be knit with these bits and pieces. Good and bad. Maybe the truth is not all you look for. Maybe, all that you're looking for is that life altering love, albeit with a little bit of aversion.

Winds of Change

2011-12-23T00:18:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer - The post written below is a figment of my overactive imagination. Or is it? Pinch me! :P

Miracles happen on Christmas and Santa is for real. :) He didn't wriggle down my chimney in his red and white suit. And there were no gifts wrapped in sparkly paper under the christmas tree or in my socks. (Alright..agreed...we haven't put up a christmas tree..and the socks need some washing. They don't smell so good! :P ) But yes, miracles do happen and am full of Christmas joy! :)

Did I tell you that my job sucks a little bit. Makes me feel like Dilbert. I know there's a little bit of him in every one who goes to work. But I am Dilbert, because my boss is the pointy haired dude (better known as PHB) in that comic strip! All I need to do now is get a Dogbert or Catbert to talk to and take advice from. :P

So my version of PHB and his sidekick is what Scott Adams actually writes about. Someone once said about PHB - that it is amazing how much a single person can be hated! :P And hated he is! Comes naturally to most people. Endearing as his traits are - screaming till one can see his tonsils *yuck*...saying some sweet things behind your back *sarcasm*..and his depth of knowledge could barely fill a teaspoon!

So this miracle I was talking about. PHB and sidekick are leaving! Just when we had given up and started drafting our resumes all over again. :) Christmas came a little early this year. :) I'll be keeping some cookies and warm milk out for Santa this Sunday. And for today, bring on the beer and the good spirits! I am on a high anyway! :D Wooohooooo!

Subject Lines are the toughest!

2011-12-15T04:26:00.000-08:00

Generally happy. A day spent pretending to work. No, some days I actually work! Some hilarious conversations at work. Not intentionally hilarious, but you know..the ones which trigger a grin in your head. One which keeps growing till you -
a) Pretend to take an important phone call and run out importantly.
b) Practice self control till your stomach hurts with the urge to laugh. Then, go to (a).
c) Enact a coughing fit. That does not turn out very well though. You need a lot of practice for this one.

The misery that my job is! I can only make jokes about it. Some sensible folks say..you might ummmm try 'changing' it. I assure you I have taken definite steps towards it. :P I am going to the gym regularly (I skipped yesterday only because Sunshine was sick. It was a question of life and death!). I am cooking almost everyday...healthy food mind you. I am reading too. And blogging. \m/. Now that life has a routine, I shall smoothly insert the task 'Make your resume' into it. See what I was getting at! :D Just when you thought I couldn't be more random!

More than one person has told me - Start traveling for a living. Duh! Will you adopt me while I travel for a living. WILL YOU! (I like the idea though :P)

Divs cracked Booth! More happiness.

Motu is expecting! Hapiness unlimited! :D

Friends and the smiles they bring. In fleeting thoughts and over long distance calls. In the warm greetings when you get back home and the merciless jokes that you are the butt of. In pranks and good humor. In mistakes and stupidities. In a not so perfect life, they are like the sun behind the clouds.

Gym Diaries and other mundane things

2011-12-13T23:56:00.000-08:00

Hero Hiralal. That's what I call my new gym instructor. In my head (obviously!). I have been in Chennai for more than one and a half years now. My definitions of 'Hot' has changed slowly and surely. Weather wise and otherwise, if you know what I mean. :D So, Hero is this hot, bicep (and tricep) bulging piece of eye candy who moves around the gym flexing his muscles everytime he crosses a mirror or the opposite gender. Now, I love this city absolutely, but the crowd here does not make you turn around. Not even once with a quarterly frequency! So, Mr. Hiralal is the cynosure of many eyes including mine, and probably the only incentive to run like the wind and reach nowhere on a darned treadmill. That was the story till Day 3. Day 4 had me escorted by a certain very brotherly and dictatorial Mr. Thomson who apparently would be taking care of pumping strength in my poor right hand. Such is life! The grapes are sour and I think Hero Hira is a little gay. :P

My laptop breathed its last a couple of months back. My Eurotrip has put me in a very European recession (Btw, it was awesome and totally worth the current poverty :D). You are free to bail me out. Just drop me a message and irresepctive of what the message is, I shall send back my account number. ;) So, I am detoxing from all the incessant social networking and wedding albums and honeymoon albums and what not. Missed the blogging though.

Am a big Potter fan. I completed the seventh book in a day. I know many kids will say..So what! But, me finishing a book as fat as that in a day is a big deal. The only other book with that good a health that I completed was 'A Suitable Boy'. And I don't even want to tell you how long I took! Anyway, that's not the point. Infact, there is no point I am trying to make here. I just want to own a magic wand. A wand which abides my spells. When you're really close to being 30 and you're a little over a decade away from 40 and you are still full of bucketlists, wishlists and dreams...some days you do feel like owning a magic wand.

Needless to say, never stop dreaming. It's the blueprint of how you want to lead your life. My dreams. There are so many. Big and small. To swim in an ocean without the fear of death or depth. To travel to places unheard of. To write a book about my view of these places. To own a home with a big garden, because that's what Ma always wanted. To be able to complete a half marathon (and maybe the full one too) without passing out. To own a cute Labrador pup who grows up and cures my fear of dogs. To teach. Because that's in my genes and that makes me a little bit like Ma. :) To study history. To make musical sense out of my guitar. Like I said, its a blueprint. Maybe I will do all of these, maybe I won't. But if you don't dream, you got nothing to build on.

Like Rowling said -

'As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.'

One year old!

2011-06-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

I got four dislikes for my last post. Spreading misery deserves that. :P But it feels lighter you know. When vague notions of sadness become concrete words. You feel like a third person taking a more objective view of things. You become a little more sane. A little less miserable. And then, you remember the wise old saying - This too shall pass.

So enough is enough. My blog deserves some happy words. Some colours. Some sunshine. It rained yesterday. Something about a walk in the rain. Drenched to the core. A song in my head. Made me smile. Small life you know. Waste it pining for people or smile about the ones who are there. Happiness is always a choice you make. A difficult one sometimes, but its a choice nonetheless.

Found a spot in this quaint bookshop. A quiet corner, a hot cup of coffee and a book. Inner peace or something like it (you know what I mean if you saw Po). In that book and that familiar comforting brew, found solitude easy to sit with. Ma and baba are out on a vacation. A much needed long awaited one. I am loving it. Travelling vicariously through their anecdotes. Anecdotes for which I call them every two hours nowadays. Somewhere between us growing up and our parents growing old, we switch roles. The roads are narrow and treacherous where they are. I worry when their phone's out of reach. And I used to think its insane for them to lose sleep over my travel escapades and perpetually out of coverage phone. :) Karma I tell you. A bitch, but quite a teacher.

The book am reading right now is full of beautifully written one-liners. Seems like the author lived my life at some point of time or the other and penned all of it down. Probably anyone who reads this will be of a similar opinion. Good authors are rare. This book's a keeper. More on that later.

Completed a year in Chennai. Not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing. These milestones are reminders of all that needs to be done. The usual you know. Find a better job. Figure out what I actually want to do. Maybe study some more. Change being the only constant, we just keep looking for reasons to change something or the other.

Right now, I am just complacent. Rather, content is a better word. One day at a time. One step at a time. Baby steps.Someday when am sitting in my corner and sipping that coffee, I'll figure out the bigger picture. All that needs to be done. For now, Floyd and I shall keep each other company till I sleep. :)

One of those days

2011-05-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those days? When it feels like someone put a hand in your gut, pulled out your intestines and twisted them in funny but gross shapes. When something titanium-like seems to be weighing you down. When you're walking and you wished the road just went on and on. And you could just keep walking. Without a thought or a reason. When you have so much to say that silence seems an easier way out. When good food doesn't do the trick. Nor does ma's call. It was one of those days. Sigh!

Facts

2011-05-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

A mug of beer is good for processing your thoughts. It provides clarity.
If you're still reading the book you were reading three months back, either the book is trash or you ain't a reader.
When you dance like no one's watching, that's freedom. If you haven't done it yet, you don't know it yet.
If you have a long bucket list, its a good thing.
If you have a long bucket list, but you are spending day after day doing nothing, that's a cause for concern.
If you haven't asked someone out yet, you still don't know what being nervous is.
To apologize and to actually mean it is tough.
To admit you are wrong is also in the same league of tough.
We get over everything. Time doesn't heal, it just makes your memory woozy.
Travel like the world is going to end tomorrow. You don't know what you're missing.
Keep notes. Of good memories. Age and memory are not on best of terms.
We'll never learn how to balance altruism and selfishness.
We'll never learn how to let go.
Complacence is a killer.
You're never too old to be a rebel.
Advice in sane doses is a good thing. Don't overdo it.
Two weeks to cover all that you want to see in Europe is insanely less.
Backpack with a map. Rugged travel is how I define cool.
Everyone is possessive. If you think you aren't, you just haven't found someone/thing you are that fond of.
Don't cheat. Because karma is a bitch. She'll get back at you.
Have atleast one vice. Being good is unbearable sometimes.
Money comes and goes. If it makes you happy, let it go.

We all have a defined line of thought. A set of rules we live by. Some are vocal like I am, and some keep it to themselves. I could keep adding to this list, but its mundane to keep dishing out obvious truths or my perception of the truth. At the end of the day, its simple maths. If the result is a lot of happiness with small lapses of misery, you did well. If not, find that mug of beer. Life's not complex, our view of it is a little skewed..that's all.

Martyr-like

2011-05-05T10:05:00.000-07:00

So I have dished up this awful awful dinner of boiled sprouts for myself. I am all by myself tonight and wondering why did I put myself through this, instead of ordering a juicy tandoori chicken leg! Bongs don't go on a diet..even pseudo bongs don't. Am just in a martyr sort of a mood right now. I had all of four lines written in this post explaining the lack of posts over the past few months. But hell, this is my space. I ain't explaining anything to anyone!

Your problems are wholly and solely your own. In your head, you probably have magnified it by a scale of 10-100 (depending on your self pity quotient) and it seems like the end of the world. This is how it is supposed to be. Irrespective of global warming and tsunamis, what we really fret over is our own skewed lives. And skewed they are. In ways, big and small. Yes, Osama died and I am glad one less from the death brigade. But you know human nature. Self centered as we all are. All I am thinking about is why my right hand won't go back to the way it was..straight and pain free. No, this isn't about my hand. Just that, we don't look beyond our own mess. Maybe its not as bad as we think it is.

As I munch on my bowlful of awfulness (read my dinner), am thinking let's cure this. People change. Altruism is still there somewhere. So big deal if things are not going right. Maybe today is not your day. Or this month ain't your month. On a completely unrelated note, you know what time of the day is the worst for keeping promises to yourself. Early morning! Sleep can help you give a logical reason for not doing everything you promised you would, the next morning.

There's a little bit of madness in everyone. Some call it impulse. Some call it eccentricity. Some find it when they meet other people. Some induce it in others. However it is, don't lose it. An overdose of sanity makes life very bland. Did I tell you how much I hate logic? World would've been a simpler, happier place without logic. I don't make sense today. I think its the dinner. That and my skewed hand makes me a grumpy writer. More on a happier note.

Ambidextrous

2011-02-27T22:57:00.000-08:00

As a kid, when I learned to use my limbs in a somewhat coordinated fashion, I chose my left hand as my errands hand. So I picked and threw things, doodled on walls, hid important stuff, dropped and broke some other important stuff, waved an awkward bye...all of it with my left hand. Back then, it was a frowned upon habit. Right now it is cool to be left-handed. Some say it is a sign of intelligence! Imagine how close I came to being an intelligent geek..sigh! the opportunities we miss in life! :D Anyway..so Ma forced right-handedness on me. The devoted kid that I am, I moved from left-handedness to ambidexterity to right-handedness :) The ease with which kids learn things..its quite amazing.

A couple of decades down the line (okay okay..add a few more years to that), am back to using my left hand for everything. I think it still nurses the hurt of being rejected years back, because it refuses to obey my commands! To think that your brain has control of your body! :( Slowly, now am moving towards ambidexterity again. Slow being the keyword here, to my utter frustration.

I thought infants do it all the time, how difficult can it be? Lie in bed. Eat food in bed. Vegetate day in and day out. Only to get up in times of necessity (okay, everything can't be infant-like u know!). Now I know how difficult...and if your kid is cranky and crying, its only because he can't walk out, soak up the sun and run into oblivion :P

Since TV is the only source of entertainment, I have started watching everything. Thank god for my appetite for movies, no matter how trashy they are. These national geographic kinda channels show walruses and snakes at an alarming frequency. Are they going extinct by any chance? I also caught an episode of elephant humping on one of these channels. I mean really...why in god's name should one be educated about how baby elephants are born! They should have an age rating for these channels! Very disturbing stuff. :-/ I finally saw Star Trek and liked it. Realized I can't watch Potter movies anymore. That hot men make movies watchable. That I can still watch Friends and go silly laughing over it (Can I be more addicted! :) ). There are too many dating shows with freaks in them. And its not funny. I actually know the story of one of those Star Plus serials. I rate it better than the dating shows. And last but definitely not the least, after spending so many hours watching the match yest (u know..me and cricket..its a task!), the draw was UNFAIR! :(

Sunshine came back to Chennai (mental high-five :)). We had plans u know. To make up for all the time lost. Travelling..partying..sigh! All the planning went down the drain with one swift projectile landing on Patna station amidst Bihari cries of concern. Goa's on the cards though (\m/). I got parental approval too :P.

Enough now. Bed beckons. And some more TV. More trivia later.

Footnote - You value when u lose. Be it activity in a limb or a dear one. So be nice. To yourself and those around you.

Now and then

2011-02-03T13:06:00.000-08:00

My sanity amidst all the insanity. My faith when all goes wrong. My one-stop shop for nonsense. My most brutal critics. My support system. My comfort. Sam and Divs. They define the person I am in more ways than I can describe. Divs' marriage was just another reminder of how much they mean. A decade went by in a blink. And still, in that blink of an eye, we all grew up. Saw the world. Met new people. Met some amazing people. We all moved on and still, we are the same people when we meet.

Enough mush! Here's to new beginnings and old-timers :) :*

But I have promises to keep

2011-02-02T09:23:00.000-08:00

Its February already. Guess I am a tad late for resolutions, but I did start writing this post sometime in Jan. That does count for something eh? :) So here goes another long list of things I might not end up doing this year..or might just :)

I'll be good. Not the jerk you knew last year. :) Or before that. And by the end of it, if you still don't like me, maybe we are not the kind of people who would click ;)

I'll jog. On roads. Get that expensive pair of shoes which won't let my knees go bust. I'll plug in knopfler and shut everything out. And then I'll run. That one hour will be mine. Absolutely selfishly mine.

I'll be a little less blunt. Only a little, mind you. Apparently, people don't like it too much. Wonder why. Guess honesty IS a little overrated. If I were you, I would be betting my money against this resolution for sure.

I'll invent this shield (literal one) which can deflect all forms of pressure that comes with being single and on the wrong side of 25. As a forewarning, it might shoot you down if you come close with questions like 'So, when do you plan to settle down...2011..2012..2050?'. :-/ More realistically, I'll just curse you with my black tongue :D

I'll manage money better. Where does my paycheck go..really! One day I see this cool looking number and then like terrible dark magic, its just gone! :( So I am going to consciously save. Not for rainy days. But for my next resolution.

I'll travel. I have this entire wishlist of places. Independence is a good ingredient for one's travel plans. All I need to figure out is how to convince the company (I mean travelling company :))

I push people away. For no good reason. This year, I'll hold them close. You know that person who won't take calls for days and months and build this world-proof wall all around. And then stay within that isolation chamber for a long long time. That person is me. I wouldn't put up with myself when like that, no reason why anyone else should. :) So yeah, I'll call you next time I am down and out.

I'll judge a little less. Ummmm okay..scrap this one. How does one ever stop judging! People who claim they don't are lying piteously. I know I judge all the time. I judge people by their shoes, their sense of humour, their taste in alcohol (you are in my good books in case of scotch, beer and wine :P) and a zillion other things. Won't divulge too much. Don't want you in my head. :)

Stop being needy. Quoting straight from someone's blog - You know how dogs can sense fear? Well, we humans can sense neediness. Its okay to be alone. And its commendable to be comfortable with only yourself for company. Might not last too long, but one should try..I think.

Remember birthdays! Can't tell you how much I suck at it. Or maybe you do know. For the record, I am absolutely okay with you not wishing me on my birthday. :) But yes, I am going to try remembering yours. Even if I (or my call) don't make it to the phirang 00:00 am wish, sometime during the day you shall hear from me.

Procrastinate less.

I could go on and on. And some more. We keep trying to change something or the other about ourselves. The new year just brings around an excuse to take stock. At the end of the day, there is only that much that we can change about ourselves consciously. Rest is all evolution. :)

As I ramble on about random things

2011-01-10T09:58:00.000-08:00

No, this one ain't about new year resolutions. I need another month..okay, I'll cut that down to a week..I need another week to figure out what all I want to do this year. How good I want to be..how lazy I want to be or how serious I want to be. The madness won't cease. I know I'll still ride extreme highs and extreme lows..like the last year and the one before that and so on. Moderation in any form will never be on any of my lists. :) Or any of yours, if you are around me. :P

Have I mentioned before how much I like clicking people? I have an ancient cam (yes, they don't even make it anymore) and everyone who knows me, knows the oldie too. Because they have all been subjected to its overbearing presence. :) I don't like it when people say 'Smile!' and they click. Makes me cringe. And so the collection of funny faces that are my solo pics (as you can see :P).I don't like clicking leaves and boxes and doors. I guess they do make interesting subjects, but one's got to have that eye for detail. I probably don't. I like expressions. I like a subtle smile. I like eyes which talk. I like sun rays and how they light up one's face. I like you in my pics if you ain't looking at me. :) I actually think my camera works better if I sometimes talk to it and it generally throws a tantrum when I ignore it for sometime. Now that I have given enough proof of my insanity, I shall stop.

Last weekend was a weekend full of people. After all my rambling about solitude and loneliness, this was as fresh a change as beer after a self-inflicted detox. Ummm..okay don't think am good at analogies..but you get my point. :) So, you know, these friends who make me feel as warm as ma's rare hugs...they were here...and although we didn't do anything apart from chilling (which btw is a very important verb in itself ;) ), the weekend was spent as idyllic weekends are meant to be spent. Dig out those old jokes...poke some fun about the not-so-cool things we did in college..double over laughing over nonsensical things, just to realise that just maybe some people aren't getting the point at all and are laughing with you, because u look outright silly...some quiet times..some dazed times..some music and a lot of inebriation..some dirty dancing to sheila ki jawani in good ol' chennai (yes they played munni too and yes, as always, only the girls were a part of the dirty dancing!)..some of this and some of that. :) Smiles were easy and they reached your eyes. I think smiles which don't reach one's eyes are worse off than an ugly frown.

Read somewhere that happiness is what you make yourself. Struck a chord somewhere. The moment you depend, you give away a part of you. As true as that is, the person I am will always be defined by the people I care about. If I have loved you, I have a part of you somewhere in me. A small part of me is the person you wanted me to be. To exist happily just on your own..well, you might as well have lived on Mars then! For me..I shall weave my dreams around you. I shall live my life on my own terms but my happiness will always depend on your presence..in my thoughts and more. :)

Solitude

2010-12-18T04:50:00.000-08:00

Solitude, as they define it, is 'the state of being or living alone'. I always thought of it as a peaceful happy word. Where there is quiet, and there is no discontent. Where the mind doesn't look for people or answers. On the other hand, the state of being or living alone is just that...lonely. It is not solitude. It is piteous and it just makes you look back to the time when friends were around, when plans were aplenty and well, when you were just effortlessly happy.

Being comfortable on your own is tough. If you learned how to, you just earned my respect. It is human nature to be needy. We crave for affection. We crave for attention. That's how we are. Sometimes we don't tell them, but we begrudge them for not being around. We blame. Because that makes it easy. That sounds fair. When small things you do become reminders of the people you care about, being alone becomes tough. Thoughts are good when you have a plan chalked out. When it is all hazy, you are definitely better off without any. Thinking is pure evil. At times.

So, like I said, solitude and being alone are not synonymous. Solitude is when you're reading a good book. Looking at a beach on a sunny morning or at mountains on a chilly winter evening. You have your favourite person for company. A person with whom lack of conversation is not an awkward silence. And in this peaceful state, you close your eyes. And you smile. That's solitude.

Notes from Office

2010-12-14T09:10:00.000-08:00

Office and blogging do not get along very well. So, if you are trying to write a post, like I am, chances are you will end up with a lot of drafts. Like I have. You will try to edit them, but the anti-creativity, sleep-inducing, boss-hovering aura shall just make you blankly stare at the screen. Like I have been doing for the past so many days. (Does not mean I don't have work! :) )
There is nothing like 'less work'. You either shirk work or put your sorry ass on the line. Currently, am a part of the latter. Next week, shall switch allegiance to the former. Expect a different post altogether on 'Tips to Shirk Work Effortlessly' ;) I am quite the pro when I choose to be. :)
That one hour after lunch is marked by the onset of sleeping sickness. One of those Murphy-like laws state that the moment you close your eyes for five minutes, thinking its safe, your boss shall walk in with a 'I know what you just did' swagger.
Job satisfaction is like looking for gold at the end of the rainbow. And the more you expect from a job, the more you become leprechaun-like. :) No wonder us folks from B-schools top the leprechaun hall of fame. ;) We just expect the moon!
If you joined IT (as a pseudo consultant) and thought you would never look at an SQL query again, who were you kidding anyway!
Even if you find ONE person with a good sense of humour in office, hold on to the person like you got dumped by titanic and he/she has the only lifeboat around. :) It is rare.
If you know more than your boss does, shut your trap.
Learn the art of Alt-Tab. The moment you spot familiar movement at a risky distance, fingers should press the combo without the brain instructing it to. Someone calls you behind your back, again..you know what to do. This art is an important entry in the book of 'Pretence of Work'
Power napping in the loo is a pretty popular phenomenon. Quite the savior too! Stop frowning at it.
You will always reach atleast an hour later than you planned to in the morning. You will always leave two hours later than you planned in the evening. Does not hint at your planning skills at all.
Good looking men (or women) always work in some other city. And some other company. they don't exist in your own.
No matter how much you earn or how little, the balance enquiry on the 15th of every month shall give the same result.
Paycheck day. Forget the above. Praise thy lord and thy luck for the blessing that is your job.

Ain't no sunshine

2010-11-07T06:57:00.000-08:00

Sunshine left. Its literally been dark and dreary in Chennai. Atleast I think it is. Finding things to do has become tough. Home doesn't seem like home anymore. Just another place I stay in. The problem with friends is they make your life so blessed that you forget how life was without them. This is what I had written a good month and a half back. Ran short of words since then. Missing people has become an acquired habit since then. Old friends...close ones..lost ones..just all of them. I want to pick up all of them, put them all in one city and then grow old happily ever after. Yeah, my happy ever after stories are not the cliched boy meets girl stories. Mine are different. Nice different I think.

Retreating monsoon has hit Chennai finally. There is a joy in walking on the beach, with the clouds and drizzle to accompany you. Living in a city with a beach should be on everyone's list. This city gets brownie points for the beautiful beaches and the proximity to Pondicherry. Its not Goa but its quite something. :) Come without prejudices, and you might just end up liking the city I currently live in.

Two big big weddings coming up. Dada's and a friend's..a friend who is my sanity keeper..a friend without whom I can't quite imagine what growing up would've been like. Big events like these put me in denial. Don't judge, it is all pure unadulterated happiness. But am no good with change you know.

Someone very dear mentioned that there's a lot of good that comes with change. Makes life unpredictable. Keeps you intrigued. Intrigue after all is the cure for boredom. A disease I suffer from. But yeah, change can be formidable too. Hits you where it hurts the most. And then says, deal with it. We deal with it in many a ways. Look back or look forward to things. Phase out and let time just pass by. Closet oneself or venture out. Get stuck in the 'what-if' loop or pretend nonchalance. There is no time-tested hence-proved formula to it. We deal with change - good or bad. Boils down to hope. Hope of days with lesser thoughts, easier smiles, comfort and a whole lot of warmth. You just got to keep hoping and wishing for it. Wish for it long enough. Then wait for time to do the trick.

So am hoping for sunshine tomorrow. Not clouds. Not rain. Atleast for a few hours. Did I mention how much I miss sunshine? Guess I did. :) Like the song goes, it's not warm when she's away ;)

Trekking for Dummies

2010-10-01T12:09:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to stall time. Trying very hard you know. It has kept me busy. Since I haven't managed to stall it at all (I mean with technology here there and everywhere, we can't do this much!), I have been moping. Long face. Zombied look. Refusal to do anything I like to do. See what I am driving at. The blog also stayed dry. Vented my ire by silence. Lesson learned in life - Time spent in whining is time wasted. Change is still the only constant. And as I say this, the sage in me rests in peace.. :)

So I had promised someone I'll write this. This one's for her and for trekking novices (enthusiasts nonetheless) like me. A little faint hearted. A little wobbly in the face of great heights and great depths. But we never say 'No' to adventure. :) I do make 'us' sound so good!

So you know you are a novice trekker when

You pack skimpy clothes (read tiny black Esprit shorts) and actually wear it while trekking on rocky hills with prickly shrubs all over. Please add ample incessant rains to the picture. (Note to myself - New found belief in God's existence. He eradicated all leeches with his third eye or so I'd like to believe :) )
You think you can coolly carry a tent and your backpack and hike up the trail described in the previous point. All at the same time! You might want to rethink your strategy or start looking like Rambo.
You carry a school bag in the name of a backpack. Or or or..wait for it..a laptop bag which was your company's first and only gift to you. On both counts, BAD idea! They are not water proof and they have so much space that one's got to choose between food and change of clothing. Sigh! In monsoon, that might not be the choice you want to make.
You think you should head back to momma and hot soup 15 minutes into the trek..and again 27 minutes into the trek..and yet again 39 minutes into the trek..with a 'Don't think we will live to tell our kids about this trek' look in your eyes.
You believe you can walk up a slippery big big rock and you actually do walk up. Just to realize you're in the wrong direction and you've got to walk sideways now. Ummm..okay..stuck are we!
You also believe that you shall closely watch other people climb up the same slippery big big rock and then follow suit. Just to be stuck somewhere midway..looking like a frog who's been rudely thrown on a wall with its arms and legs in all directions. You might have noticed that the frog slowly and surely slides down after the throw. :P
You are walking in a line (the novice line mind you..the experts are already up there somewhere :P) and suddenly you realise that the leader of the novice line doesn't know exactly where to go. Now its a bad situation to be in. Because the trail has prickly shrubs and to avoid that you're bent at a weird angle. Your only view is the a$$ of the novice walking in front of you. So there...you're an upside down 'L' shape in the middle of nowhere...can't stand up..can't go forward..can't go back..can't turn right..can't turn left..you're just there staring at you know what. Small tip - Laughing when stuck in such unmentionable situations is again a BAD idea. Its unavoidable too. :D
You have packed food which you think will last the night but end up finishing midway itself. Then you silently thank God (again!) for the rain, because now you can't pitch for the night. You pretend to complain nonetheless about the rain and how sad it is that you have to have steaming hot food for dinner (slurrrrppp!) instead of bread remnants and wild berries.
You think that a tent can be pitched ANYWHERE and go ahead with the trek without any knowledge of the terrain. Finally you realize that tents cannot be pitched on rocks at an angle of 60 degrees. You still try bravely. Look up...look down. Few steps here..few steps there. Have a rushed discussion. Then decide morosely that you have to head back to civilisation. All the while, you silently thank God (again and again!) and pretend to be sad about the cosy hotel where you'll be spending the night under a comforter.
You pack all your clothes in that water-friendly bag of yours and take them for the hike. You ofcourse thought you will need a change of clothes when you stay in that tent in the night...afterall getting drenched was a valid cause for concern. So once you check in to the hotel after the long arduous trek, you realise you have nothing to change into. In such dire situations, you might actually take help from the opposite sex. And that, my friend, from a guy's point of view might not be such a good idea. :D

Quoting Murphy yet again - When things have to go wrong, they will go wrong. Then there was this other equally knowledgeable person who said that the best way to learn is by making mistakes. So keep the faith, even if you just nodded in agreement to all the points I made above. Just make sure that when you're bent at that weird L-shape in a terrain full off prickly shrubs, the a$$ you're looking at is of a buddy who makes you laugh in such moments. And the experts that went ahead somewhere are the friends who come back, give you a hand and tell you "Stop being a sissy! Its safe...lets go!".

......

2010-07-29T12:57:00.000-07:00

Its inexplicable. Sometimes,all of a sudden, the mood changes to an awful shade of black. For no reason or rhyme. Nothing seems right inspite of almost everything being just that. Right. Flaws become prominent. The niceties become elusive. I want to be that 5 year old who can throw a tantrum without being judged. You know..stomp his feet...scream his lungs out. Being an adult can be such a constraint at times. The instant cure known to mankind for such a state is chocolates, which I don't have access to. To be specific, Lindt 70% dark chocolate. And am nowhere close to it, considering am in Chennai and its post 1 am in the morning. So am just sitting around on the beanbag...listening to dire straits..shunning company..playing the anti social bit to perfection.
This state of being must have some deadline of sorts. A short one at that. A few more hours like this and I would want to drug myself to sleep!

Wishin' n hopin'.... :)

2010-07-18T10:42:00.000-07:00

हज़ारों ख्वाहिशें ऐसी कि हर ख्वाहिश पे दम निकले

बहुत निकले मेरे अरमान लेकिन फ़िर भी कम निकले

Mirza Ghalib said it in style. We are all dreamers to the core.As we grow up, our dreams also grow. Exponentially so. As a kid, all I wanted was a Dairy Milk from dad, bedtimes stories from ma and peace from dada. Since then, age has come in the way. The dreams have become bigger. Sometimes frivolous. Wishful. But they are still there.

I wish I looked forward to every day. No Monday blues and no never ending Thursdays (I think its the longest day of the week!). Wish that age was a constant. One should get to choose the number. That drool worthy food was extremely good healthwise. I wish love happened all the time. You know..that warm feeling that gets us grinning goofily while staring happily in space :). I wish that hot men were aplenty. And that they were nice too. That boredom wasn't something to be terrified of.

Wish that work didn't feel like work. That I was paid for every place I traveled to. And an extra bonus for the added fun and frolic. That distance was a problem I could resolve with genie-like capabilities. I wish that family stayed around...always. And so did friends. Like I said, we never stop wishing. Give me all of this and I shall come up with yet another big 'I wish' list. It all boils down to one thing. Happiness. Its a perspective. A way of looking at things. Wishes might or might not come true. Smile nevertheless. Maybe your smile is what someone wished for. :)

Hiatus

2010-07-13T03:58:00.000-07:00

Life happened. For the past two months. The usual you know. Changes small and big. My reticence to accept the new. My yearning for everything that was familiar and comfy. And so the silence. I talk when happy. I write when happy. My system shuts down when ruffled. No I haven't been moping. Was just taking my own sweet time to settle down in good ol' Chennai.

So now I am back. Missed the blogs. Realised they unclutter my mind. This new phase of life has a routine to it. Routine and I never got along too well. The two years prior to this were spent in the most unruly manner. I don't miss college as such..but yes.the omnipresent friends..the random plans at weird hours...the relentless pursuit of fun in many a strange ways. All that is sorely missed. I never let them know how much. Mush is not good for the image :). And since when has words been sufficient to convey anything! :P

Murphy's law states that the best laid plans go awry. When you really wish for something, it falls short of what you asked for. Maybe it wasn't Murphy...but some wise guy did come to this conclusion. Chennai was an exception. I wanted to come here (yes you read it right!). And the plan has played out to perfection. I am in the Tam's City of Joy. I stay with some very dear friends. Its not a flat, but a home I come back to. The city has not shown a day of bad weather, ever since I've touched base. And that my friend, in Chennai, is nothing short of a miracle. A month and a half of good weather! So all is well. And yet, I took almost a month to adjust to everything. Definite signs of being hopelessly spoilt :). For the truckload of patience that Sunshine is, truckload of lowe right back at you.

Am slowly and surely finding my way around here. Some things worth a mention -

Apparently here, there and where all sound like the same word in Tam. A friend did try to teach the intricacies involved - 'inge' is here and 'enge' is there. Actually I still don't know which is which and I have decided to use them interchangeably till I put myself in a fix. Till then, its 'inge stop' for all the auto walas to 'stop here'. :D
The Sun Direct (cable) customer care folks talk in Tamil even when one takes the option for English. So we end up having parallel conversations with both of us not making sense to each other. Conclusion is that cable recharge shall be done by anyone except me!
'Teri ma' apparently means 'Do you know'. Now really man..up north these words are the who's who of Hindi abuses. So I'll take a while to smile and say 'illa' or whatever the word is for 'no' everytime someone asks 'Tamil teri ma' :)
Thou shalt buy vegetables from the local vendor only when the requirement is of potato, onion and other common things which people understand in English. Saying you want bhindi won't get you anywhere. Ofcourse, Reliance Fresh is my saviour most times.
Our bai talks only in Tamil and loves to talk. Irrespective of the target audience. :D Its pretty much a game of DumbC with both sides losing desperately. Its quite hilarious because mostly I am an observing and highly entertained third party (Roomie gets to play :P )
Every second Tam is called Srini. Every third one Bala. The frequency of these names is alarming to say the least. In one meeting, I had to address three Srinis. The communication gap was not my fault. :)
If you want to watch a Hindi/English movie in the weekend, you must book latest by Wednesday evening. Beyond that, make other plans for weekend.

There are a whole lot of other things which are different here. Some funny..some foreign. But am guessing that a person from here thrown in Delhi could throw up an equally long list of eccentricities. So what the hell...we all deal with change..I shall too. So here's a promise to post more often. Travel every month (this month Andaman on the cards :) ). Like the life I live (love is too strong a word :P). Keep in touch with all that matters. Remain sane. Yet retain the insanity that defines me. More later!

SuperFreakonomics: Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner

2010-05-01T23:24:00.000-07:00

I thrive on trivia. So, this book caught my fancy. This book is full of it, and that too backed by statistics! I am the sort of person who calls up a friend to just tell him/her something as random as 'Lets go to Greece this year'. That's another thing altogether that its a serious plan now. :) But you get my point. The random quote on a guy's tee...the endless what-if speculations that my mind delves on..stuff like whether 'intimation' is the noun form of 'intimate' :D ..I can spend hours with such random thoughts. Don't judge me. My friends were forewarned that they'll have to put up with a lot. :)

Getting back to the book, its quite an interesting read. Don't try to read it at a stretch..mind can only take in limited amount of data..and the stats in this book, you might want to pay attention to. There is this entire chapter on prostitution. I was reading it while on my way to Calcutta. Dad noticed what I was reading, and needless to say, didn't quite approve of my choice of literature. :) The authors make a pretty cool point about how to stop societal menaces like prostitution and drugs - by penalizing the buyers and not just focus on the suppliers. Cut the demand and you have cut the root of the problem, they say. Sounds just about right, except for the bit that men world over might get a li'l ticked off. :)

Then there is this bit about altruism. Now I am a believer of motives. Selflessness never quite hit the right chord with me. Incentives drive everything, the world over. So, when they talked about 'Warm-glow Altruism', it made a lot of sense. You give not only because you want to help but because it makes you look good, or feel good, or perhaps feel less bad. Think about it. The beggar whom you gave a five rupee coin at a traffic signal. That coin was not supposed to make him richer but was supposed to abate that uncomfortable feeling you had on seeing them..while you're probably chilling in your air-conditioned car. Told you, am a sceptic and a cynic. Cold and mean eh? :)

Amidst all the hue and cry about global warming, this book is a refreshing take on such doomsday predictions. Quoting from the book - When the solution to a given problem doesn't lay right before our eyes, it is easy to assume that no solution exists. Uncertainty has a nasty way of making us conjure up the very worst possibilities. Yeah right, so we don't know yet what to do about all the emission gases that we are pumping in the atmosphere with glee. But hear this one. World as they knew it in the twentieth century was going to come to an end because people didn't know what to do with all the horse-shit that was being produced from the only mode of conveyance known in those times..the horse-carts. :D Then came the automobile which restored sanity in the world. So Mr. Al Gore, please chill..sit back and relax will you?! There is a way out of this problem too. We just don't know it yet. The simplest solutions are the hardest to come by, because they stare at you right in the face. For the geeky scientists, don't read this book and don't pay heed to what I say. Toil on, till you find that solution.For people like me and you (if you're laidback and optimistic), don't lose sleep over it.

After the Murphy's law, I am now a believer of 'Law of Unintended Consequences'. Says Wiki - 'Any intervention in a complex system may or may not have the intended result, but will inevitably create unanticipated and often undesirable outcomes'. I think sometimes desirable too. :) This book has a fair share of its examples. So does life. Mine and yours. This post is long because I liked the book. For those who relate with the things I wrote, read the book too. Its worth the time and money spent.

Family Matters: Rohinton Mistry

2010-04-27T13:14:00.000-07:00

I am spending my days reading whatever I can get my hands on. 'Family Matters' by Rohinton Mistry is a poignant tale about a Parsi family. This one is not a must-read, but there is something about the book that stays with you. Each family has its own set of problems and probably when you compare these problems, they're mostly in the same vein. That's why maybe we connect with these stories at some level or the other. A Parsi family with its fair share of ups and downs. Skeletons in the closet that keep surfacing time and again in the nightmares of Nariman Vakeel..the dying protagonist of the story.

We are all flawed in many ways..sometimes by choice and sometimes by circumstances. Living with a dear one who is dying. Choosing between food and medicines for the limited amount of money available. Job frustrations. Indian families are well versed with such conundrums. This family is no different.

What I liked in this book was the grandkids' unadulterated love for Nariman. Their inability to understand why adults behave the way they do. Their simple point of views..their gestures. We forget simplicity when we grow up. We get caught up in the humdrum of our daily lives. We forget that a smile goes a long way. That holding hands sometimes is the only way to let someone know that you're there.

There are moments in this book. Well written ones. Ones that make you smile. Ones that make you take a pause and think. Might get a tad dull at times, but like I said...bits of it will stay with you.

That sinkin' feeling!

2010-04-26T15:05:00.000-07:00

Suddenly the only kind of time I know is free time. I know I know..my last post had an entire list of 'Things to do to kill time peacefully'..but that list also has an expiry date. Can't say I didn't see this coming. I mean what was I expecting anyway. MBA check. Partying check. Traveling check. Spending time with friends...never enough..but yes, check for the time being. So once my bucket list (which in this case was a list of to-do things before going home for good) ran out, I knew I had to board that train. Good old New Delhi-Patna Rajdhani. With its motley bunch of crass politicians and their hooligan sidekicks. Yes, I had them for company and no, I was not abducted.

Its been around fifteen days here, and the strange bit is I took this long to settle down. Settle down at home..I know it sounds quite ridiculous. But its the truth. Almost a decade away from home has made me a stranger to everything familiar. A couple of days or a week entitles you to guest-like treatment. But more than a month at home is the real deal. So I groped around for familiarity in the beginning..got psyched out..psyched out my folks..cribbed like the world was coming to an end..sulked...I was a 'moron' in every sense of the word. I wonder sometimes why do parents put up with their kids. Kids who can be such a pain! And then I settled down. And then it all sinks in. It fits. Blazing heat. Electricity cuts. Water cuts. Fights with dad. Awful jokes with dad. Ma's school. Ma's cleanliness fetish. Relatives. Marriage. Sermons. Don't know when did I forget that this is home. This is where I belong. This is who I am.

This post of mine has taken a serious turn. That was not the intention. If only I did things by design! :) Now to fill up the empty hours in a day, I have started taking swimming lessons. Anyone who remotely knows me would know my love for water. Last I took lessons..some six odd years back..I had managed to drown in six feet of water. Thrice. To my instructor's utter horror and my fellow swimmers' utter joy. She did save me each time. I think I had increased the membership of that swimming place..for my time slot atleast. I was such a sight..shouting 'Help!' the moment my feet couldn't touch base.

Now fast forward to New year 2010. We were in the sea wearing life jackets. There was NO way anyone could drown. Good ol' me had to down a couple of beers to let others convince me to take that ride...and still I was pretty sure i was heading towards a watery grave. Then Rishikesh happened a month back. My indignant friends had to row upstream in Ganges because I was twirling in the eddy and refused to swim towards the boat (I was wearing a life-jacket again!).

The point is I am really scared of water. So scared that the thought of swimming scares the living daylights out of me. I guess the pics make it evident enough! So I thought how much worse can it get. And so the swimming lessons here (Yes, for all you prejudiced folks...Patna has clubs with swimming pools in it!). I am learning. Floating. Splashing everyone around me doing what I think is swimming, while they shield themselves from the aqua-attack. Instructor says I am doing good. She is a kind lady. Six days down and many more to go. I hope not to give up this time. They say its child's play. And I am a hopeless optimist. :)

Its been a while since I last blogged. So the long meandering post. Missing the life that was. The friends I adore to bits and pieces. Liking the 'home'ly feeling. Looking forward to the new life, which is still a month away. The past, present and future. We live in each one of them everyday..in a round robin manner. Way past the home curfew hour. More later!

Wasted

2010-03-11T13:51:00.000-08:00

I always thought of writing as a long term goal. You know how it is. Be profound. Write a book. Be a part of the elite 'lit' group. Glass of wine and some artsy discussions. The good life. :) I don't want to get up in the morning and think of clocking hours. Everyday. The thought depresses me. The irony is that am going to start working in a few months. Start clocking hours I mean. This post of mine has no line of thought. I finally have found free time for myself. It was an aberration for my two years of MBA. But here it is now. Twenty four jobless hours in a day. It is amazing. I have made a job out of killing time. And I could make a killing out of it. :P

For the uninitiated, here are a few pointers.

1. Sleep. Like it's a sport. And you're out to win the game! :) Let the divisions in a day become faint. There is no rule that says one should get up in the morning. Get up anytime. Eat. Sleep again.

2. Read. MBA took away my habit of reading. I begrudge the fact. Books are my first love. Alright, kidding. A close second after food. But still, books have always been dear. So am back to reading some good and some outright trashy books. What the heck..there is no phrase like 'wastage of time' in my Book of Phrases anymore! :)

3. Eat. Close your eyes and think food. The first thing that comes to your mind, order! The healthy routine should start once you start the unhealthy routine of going to work everyday. All is forgiven before that.

4. Channel surf. Some say TV is trash. I mean really!..no one forced you to get glued on to Rahul's swayamvar! I love TV. Period. I still watch stuff like Home Alone with utmost glee. I like the subtitles that come with most channels nowadays. I know decent bit of english but still, I like the subtitles. These Americans you know. Sometimes their slangs and accents are hard to catch. :P

5. Think. Now this is the best bit. Think back. Think forward. Preferably, stick to good thoughts. Thoughts that can make you smile while you are lounging on the bean bag and channel surfing (but not looking at anything in particular). I don't understand people who say live in the moment. Sometimes that might work. Most of the times that seems mundane. So I daydream. I do live in moments. Happy ones. Loved ones. Old ones. Ones which are only in my imagination.

6. Make mental checklists. You could also take the effort of putting that in writing. I am just so very lazy. So I make mental ones. Learn to swim. Learn the guitar. Go to Greece. Lose weight. Fall in love etc etc. Some easy ones. Some improbable ones. Doesn't hurt to think it though. :)

7. Roam around from room to room. Check phone for people to call, but don't call. Just check. Generally stare in space. Drink water. Open the fridge. Stare at the contents. You know. Be a zombie. Caution - Can drive people nuts. Kindly do this only when you're alone at home.

I could go on and on. Am getting better at this, as I write. Its an art and I am fast mastering it. MBA is done with, and I should be writing a sentimental post. For all the ones I befriended and loved. That's on my mental checklist. Goodbyes, am not good with. Its like a chore. So I'll take a while to bid adieu. Till then, I'll get wasted. Not in the colloquial sense of the word. I'll just read. Eat. Sleep. Think.

Fear

2010-02-21T11:44:00.000-08:00

It is tangible. Sometimes. It is human nature. An inherent trait. Some fear less. And then some are like me. Afraid of the thought of a grey cloud, in the happiest of times. Add to it some scepticism. Some cynicism. That's fear to me. Fear of missing that one step while humming nonchalantly down the stairs. Of never finding my feet on solid ground, while afloat in water. Of those few seconds of free fall while bungee jumping. Of not doing things right. Of not saying the right things. Fear of the sudden anger and the words that come out with it. Of forgetting the person who's so dear today. Of crying, just to find that there's no shoulder to hold on to. Fear of not telling people how much they mean while you have the time. Of knowing that I cannot turn back time. Neither can you. Someday someone will go so far, I won't be able to reach them. Some one will walk away. Loneliness is not scary. I fear they'll never know how much I cared.

Sunshine

2010-02-11T23:50:00.000-08:00

This is an apology. A post for Sunshine. My reason for many a smiles. Why the apology? Because am such a goof up! And I really don't think there is an instant cure for that. So the post and the apology. :) I keep talking about my friends in my blogs. Why not! They make me the person that I am. Good or bad..you can go ahead and blame them! :) They are my best critics. So if I have a mean trait, blame my friends for not pointing it out to me. :)

I digressed. I'll get back to my original line of thought. So there are these two weeks in January, when living in Delhi is pretty close to hell. The days are hazy and bone chilling cold. The brain freezes and refuses to function. And then suddenly, there is this one day when the sun does come out. And when you stand outside and the sun rays warm you up..in a way that can only be felt..thats the kind of warmth Sunshine gets into my world. :) Just that with her, there's no winter. No season. She's like that. Everyday. The problem is that I can't cure her winters. I am cold at times. Selfish at times. Nice, only sometimes. And so the apology.

She is reticent. She judges. But she cares. Not the in-your-face kind of affection, but the 'I got your back..no matter what you do' kind of affection. That's my safety net. This kind of safety brings with it a kind of recklessness. Blaming my stupidities on her patience for my idiosyncrasies is a cheap stunt. I know. Told you am not so nice. Every time I tell myself I'll be more responsible, I end up on the wrong path. I err. She smiles and forgets. Someday I'll stop erring. For now, the apology.

I have come to realise that I mention Ma in almost all my posts. So I'll stick to the norm. The other day Ma and I were discussing marriage. It is amazing how often we talk about it..knowing very well that such discussions are quite pointless. She expressed concern about how I haven't liked a guy yet. I told her that the most amazing people I know are women. The gender being the catch. They set very high benchmarks and no guy has yet matched up to those high standards. :) Needless to say, Ma completely ignored my wisecrack. But, I did mean it!

So Sunshine. This post is for you. To tell you that kick my ass. Give me an earful. Am improving as I write. Day by day. It will take some time. Till then, stay on. The eccentricities and insanity won't go away. The irresponsibility will. Soon. For now, bring on the daily dosage of 'moron' and 'scoun'. They keep me on track! Love ya! :*

Random happiness

2010-02-07T04:45:00.000-08:00

I got my toes in the water, ass in the sand

Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand

Life is good today. Life is good today...

Some song by Zac Brown Band that I have been humming since morning. Please don't take the lines literally. I am not drinking beer..not in the morning atleast! :D Its my state of mind. Not a worry in the world. :) I am a cause for worry..to Ma atleast. But in my mindspace, its like the joys of spring and autumn put together. Ma is still waiting for the day when I'll take life seriously. I do. But not today. Not now. Not when am sitting in my room, listening to music and smiling goofily. For no reason at all! Or for so many odd reasons that I stopped counting. :)

Dada says 'More choices..more thoughts'. That's his reply to my perennial confusion about everything. Have been getting the 'High time you should get married' talk with alarming frequency. From expected and unexpected corners. But dada says 'Enjoy your freedom'. :) In a family of perfectionists, he allows me to not worry about my eccentricities and flaws. He is the benchmark of good behaviour. The perfect son. He can do no wrong. It's comforting to hear from him that its okay to err. At times. I think that kind of freedom keeps one grounded. Keeps me rooted. So today I shall enjoy my freedom. Tomorrow maybe, I'll be a li'l more serious. Like Ma keeps saying - I'll give settling down a thought.

I'll need a new post to talk about dada's impending marriage. :) Its almost ten months away and the Shome family is already kicking up a storm. :D But na, not here. Some other post for that.

Am full of contradictions. So much so that my thoughts also change directions at an alarming rate! On one of my hopelessly jobless days, I was thinking how time has flown by. Two years of MBA. They just whizzed by. Then last week I realised how time has stood still. Change is not the only constant. I met a friend after almost a decade and it felt like yesterday. We are both still full of utter nonsense, and yet we make perfect sense to each other. Everyone should have a couple of such friends. The constants in your life. When life overwhelms you in a good or a bad way, an earful of abuses from them is all you need to sing the song I have been singing all day long. :) So when I am being my irritating self, and Sam and Divs say - f*** you bong!....I smile and think of an entire decade spent with them. I wish everyone had that kinda luck! No sarcasm here :)

As I hum, am thinking of the good times. Of snow capped mountains and friends sipping brandy. Of a new job at a not-so-new place. Of partying till late into the night and then heading out for coffee just to see the sunrise. Of conversations meaningless and meaningful. Of waking up with that warm feeling.

Yeah...Life is good today! :) :)

The year that was..

2010-01-09T09:30:00.000-08:00

I learnt diplomacy last year. Here's an example. If you ask me, how was the year that went by, my reply would be - Good and bad..in bits and parts. :) The 2008 me would've grinned and said 'quite awesome!'. Like the child who burns his hand, yells his lungs out and then forgets it all as soon as he sees a bar of chocolate, I would forget the lows and stick to my reply. The 2009 me is not an improved version at all. Life is still all hunky dory and I still think that there is a silver lining behind the darkest of clouds. But yes, I learned diplomacy. So the year was a mixed bag of sorts.

So I take stock now. A checklist of things that I was supposed to do. Things I wanted to do. Things I shouldn't have done.

Studied - Hell no! It took me an MBA and an obscene amount of money to realise that I can study no more. Just wrote my last paper and swore to myself to never touch those darned things again! I can read but not study, and there is an ocean of difference between the two. Learned nothing from my post grad degree and I do hope my current employer doesn't come across this blog of mine. :)

Got a job. My justification for the obscene amount of money I mentioned before. :) Its a blessing to get exactly what you want and I am blessed.

Read books - Sadly no. Don't judge me. I love books. This year just whizzed by and I have read a measly few. But am back with new resolve. Got a long list to finish.

Travelled - A hell lot! New cities and old ones too. With friends, with family..for work, for fun...for no reason. Chennai, Bangalore, Pondicherry, Kolkata, Bombay, Karwar, Sikkim, Darjeeling, Pune...phew! Loved every bit of it. Something about new places..their idiosyncrasies..their eccentricities..the people..I could really travel for a living! :)

Friends - Met some and lost some. Some law of balancing the good with the bad I presume. Met some awesome people. I mean really, can't remember what life was like before knowing them. :) (Here's to you - Sunshine and Saantu!). The ones I knew before came closer. The ones who had drifted away drifted right back in. Some people went away, out of reach. Such is life. Black, white and grey.

Love - Happens year after year. I've realised I don't just like people (that is, when I do like them), I fall in love with them. Some particular trait, the way they care, the way they are. Can be anything. So yes, I fall in love again and again. I am emotional and I get involved. I am pretty hopeless. :) I like it.

Danced till there was music. Danced like no one's watching.

Became a recluse. Not intentional, but somehow got comfortable in my corner. Its a good thing, to be able to spend a day alone and still come out of it smiling.

Flirted/Dated - Yes yes :). Good for health, they say. ;)

Cried - Like a baby. Over lost hopes. Over mushy movies. Over the absence of close ones. Over goodbyes. In fights where anger comes out as tears. In silence when eyes talk. Over nothing. I just cry easy.

Tried getting over my fear of height and water. Been years, still struggling. Floated around in the middle of the ocean (wearing a lifejacket), if that counts for anything. But the heights and depths of it still gets to me.

Stayed fit - No no and no! :( Being a Bong so does not help the cause. We Bongs get high on food. Good food and lack of physical exercise. Not good. Not good at all! I need to go on a war footing to cure this.

Survived on music. Like air and water. The first thing I did when I woke up and the last thing when I slept off. Listen to music. So, thank you to the likes of Pearl Jams and the odd Pitbulls for replacing the silence with rhythm. :)

Wrote - Yes, more than often. Sometimes on blogs. Sometimes to myself. On tissue papers. In notebooks.

Grew up - The age bit, inevitable! The mind bit, avoidable! :) I'll focus on the latter. Learned a li'l, grew up a li'l. Threw tantrums like a child, but still managed the occasional grown up's view of the world. That view is just shortlived though. Coz like Bryan Adams croons, I wanna be young for the rest of my life! ;)

Like I said, its been a good and a bad year..in bits and parts. I will choose to remember the times that I smiled. I will hope to learn from the mistakes I made. I will revel in the happiness and I will forget the tears. For those I hurt, I am sorry. For those I loved, I am all mush. Live with it. For those I yelled at, it was just a moment. Never meant it. For those I forgot, call me and tell me I'm a jerk. For those I call friends, thank you. For everything.

Past perfect

2010-01-09T04:01:00.000-08:00

They say start afresh, it's a new year! Think new thoughts. Make new plans. Some new resolutions, so what if you break them the very next day. The key word is 'new'. I say stick to the old. :) It keeps you rooted. Came across something that I had written while on my way to Chennai before my internship. No reason for not posting it. Simply put, I forgot. So here it is.

'I managed to board my train to Kolkata without any hassles. Baba’s foolproof planning might be a small reason. So, on my way to Bong Land, and then to Lungi Land(Chennai) for two months. Everyone’s already given their fair share of sympathies for the one place I didn’t want to go to, but thanks to some people I know, it’s not a scary thought after all.

I miss home. Every small bit of it. The photographs on the walls. The computer which chooses to restart as and when it fancies. Maach (at 4 in the morning!). Pizza from Sweet Home. The creaky cranky lift. Ma’s despair over the mess I create everyday. Cold coffee. Baba’s lectures and his to do lists. Comparisons with my oh-so-perfect dada. When I am there, I realize how much I miss all this and more. I am probably a misfit. Amidst the niceness, the religiousness, the attention to details, the perfection – I don’t have much in common, but I know I belong here. In a weird crazy way.

Working parents and a visit home on weekdays means extremely rare conversations. Today evening was one of those rare moments. Chotokaku (chachu), baba and I talking over tea. Am penning this down because I don’t want to forget. Considering my sieve like brain, forgetting things comes pretty easily to me.

These were stories about daadu (my grandfather), thakuma (grandma) and daadu’s brother. Daadu has always been a legend of sorts. I have only heard about him. Daadu was a loud man, voiced his opinions unabashedly without bothering about the rest of the world and their views. He hated rotis, thought they should be banned from the face of this earth. Only parathas and luchis (Bengali puris) deserved a place in this world. His rules for attending any marriage/occasion was that the entire family should eat in the first round itself, lest the hosts fall short of food. Amidst such rules, ma entered the family – a demure convent educated girl. The road that led to our ancestral home was so narrow, that baba had actually taken her there on a rickshaw for the first time. The rule was that the new bride shouldn’t walk to her home! J Many of these functions that ma attended with the rest of the Shome family, daadu would call out loud for her and shout out across the table – aage kheye naao, shesh hoye jaabe! Pore golpo koro! (which means eat first, else it’ll finish. Talk later). Ma and Chotokaku would diligently turn into various shades of red. On hindsight, we kids love to see chotokaku enact and re-enact those scenes.

There was a movie theater right next to our home in Bhagalpur. So close that whenever baba and kaku would get bored, they would go watch 10 minutes of a movie and come back. We shared a common wall. Once some poor soul decided to pee on the common wall. Poor soul because of what I am going to write next. So, daadu’s brother becomes indignant and comes up with a brilliant idea. Asks baba to get hot water. There was this small hole in the wall. They poured steaming hot water on the man on the other side. I guess he would’ve learnt to use the public toilets!

Baba was thrown out of school in class 3. J He had pelted stones on the teacher. I know I belong because I was suspended from school for 15 days for exploding a bomb in school during diwali. I think I had seen pride in baba’s eyes, which had vanished instantly seeing ma’s fury!

Ever got the feeling that you didn’t know your parents too well? I do. All the time. What were they like in college. Did they mess up at times, like I do. Kaku told me today that baba was awesome at fishing. That no one could beat him at carom. That he could give the pros a run for their money in badminton. Do they see a bit of themselves in us, or did we fall short of what they actually wanted us to be?'

This is where I slept off. Did I fall short? I don't know yet. Don't think I ever will...

Procrastination, my nemesis

2009-12-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

Procrastination. My biggest enemy. My most well-disguised flaw. Or so I'd like to believe. Probably it is the first thing people notice about me. Maybe not. What people think is not important here. The problem is that I procrastinate. Everyday. Over small things. Over important things. It is not about work. Even for calling up that very dear friend of mine whom I've been thinking of everyday, I keep delaying it. My white board stares at me every morning. If it had a face, it would be smirking. A long list awaits, that needs to be struck off that board. But I procrastinate. There's work to be done, dear ones to be called, credit card bills to be paid, tickets to be booked...a whole future to be planned! And I sit in my bed, comfy in my comforter thinking random thoughts, writing such unnecessary blogs. It is not an unhappy state of being. But it is a pretty ugly albatross around my neck. New year brings new resolve. A willingness to turn a new leaf. But that's a good 10 days away. And here I go again! I procrastinate! :)

Perfect!

2009-12-16T14:10:00.000-08:00

Life's perfect! It won't last long, the golden streak. So I thought I'll pen it all down, before the clouds emerge and I go hunting for the silver lining. The other day was telling a dear friend that I completely believe that fairy godmothers exist. At my age, such kiddish beliefs might sound funny but I do. I so do! So when we really really wish for something and cross our fingers and close our eyes and repeat in our minds that this is the last thing that I will ever ask for, it does come true. Yes, wishes are being fulfilled at an alarming rate. And there's still more to look forward to. :)

Its not cold enough in Delhi. Or am just all warm inside. Being loved is a good feeling. An awesome feeling. And I don't mean the sappy mushy form of lowe. But the kind that comes from friends. Friends without whom this post is pointless. All the happiness is pointless. They love me like a mother and scold me like a brother. They spoil me rotten, listen to the endless amount of nonsensical trivia I dish out, hate my guts and still put up with me without a grudge. Far or near, they make my days sunny. My world, one big happy family.

Why is it all so perfect?! Because it is! Friends got the jobs they wanted. I got what I wanted. A dear one walked back into my life. Dada is back in the country, even though its for a precious few days. The entire family, four of us, we are finally together after ages! Chirstmas with family, new year with friends. Bottle of Bailleys. Box of liquor chocolates. A small island tucked away in a remote corner. It all adds up to a very happy feeling.

I sleep with this thought now. Bring on the dark clouds and the rough weather, I say. I got sunshine on my side :)

For you Ma..

2009-10-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

For you, I'd walk a thousand miles,

Coz you walked with me through the highs and lows

For you, I'd smile through the rainy days,

Coz you told me that they eventually go away

For you, I'd change my unruly ways,

Coz I want to deserve the pride with which you talk about me

For you, I'd achieve the goals you set

Coz I believe everything you say is right

For you, I'd learn to cook like a dream

Coz anything less won't do justice to what I have grown up with

For you, I close my eyes and believe in God

Coz you told me that He exists

For you, I do everything Ma

And still I am a shadow of what you are

For you, I am the way I am

It is for you that I exist..

Happy Birthday Ma!

Aaj akele rehna hai..

2009-10-19T01:51:00.000-07:00

I want to be alone today. No small talk. No long conversations. I don't want to think today. About good things and bad. I want to go out on a walk. Alone. I want to carry my book to a coffee shop and sit and read. I need a coffee shop without people. Because today is a day when I don't understand why people need people. We are good alone. I want to listen to music today. Not the kind of music that reminds me of people around me. But the kind that just stays in the background and drowns out all the noise. I want to write that letter I have been willing myself to write for such along time. Because letters are good. They are conversations where I have all the say. I want to go running. I don't want to play. That takes two people. Don't judge me. It's just the day. I am not anti-social, atleast most of the times. I like being around people. But not today. Today I am best left alone.

Sometimes..

2009-10-16T04:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you should just say it. The exact words you wanted to. To the people you love. To the friends you missed so much that you hated them for it. To the people you have wronged. Small words. Sorry. I love you. I missed you. How difficult can it be? Don't beat around the bush. Don't think they know. No one does. Till you say it. Eyes don't talk. Silence doesn't mean a yes. A smile doesn't convey everything. Actions are not louder than words.

Sometimes you should not hesitate. You should take that first step. Because sometimes that's all that's needed. Just do your bit. Not always. Just sometimes...

Home!

2009-10-14T04:36:00.005-07:00

Home. I love it. Everything about it. The word itself has so much warmth. I just need to close my eyes and think of home and so many images flash by. The old house with the big garden. Sundays spent with baba, washing the old Maruti 700. Getting thoroughly drenched in the process. Showing off to dada how well I could wash the tyres. And to ma's horror, walking in the kitchen in that wet state with my Bata flip-flops making an imprint as I walked around, scavenging for food. Evenings spent helping ma water the plants. Trying to learn how to trim the plants, but my impatience always got the better of me. I would run away with the water hose and try to make my part of the world dust free. :)

There was a huge mango tree in the garden. Some weird mixed breed of mangoes with which ma used to make world's most amazing pickle. Thanks to that tree, mango season used to subject our house and car to ample stone pelting. Baba's fury used to be on a roll during that time. There were a pair of mongoose who used to live in our garden, next to the drain. Ma used to say they keep away the snakes. That made me like those two weird scrawny creatures.

There were rules. Ma made them. Ma implemented them. Baba used to spoil us. Days started early. An hour of sleep after school, and we were sent to play. Six pm was curfew time. I remember doing sit-ups for being five minutes late. Ma's a teacher and she treated us no differently. We never interrupted when elders spoke. We never argued with elders. Idiot and stupid were taboo words (so they were said behind closed doors while we siblings fought it out). We used to get ten bucks a month as pocket money. I think it was revamped to fifty when we reached eighth standard.

I was an introvert when I was small. Still am in some ways. Complete bookworm. Ma used to teach dada in the evenings. I would sit by the side with my book, looking out for some attention. There was this huge book of bedtime stories. Ma used to read it out to me every night and then put me to sleep. Thakuma had her own set of stories. Stories that these English authors can't compare to. Because they were magically woven out of thin air, depending on the request I made.

Holidays meant seeing ma do pujo in the morning. Hot breakfast and He-Man on TV. We did move on to other equally juvenile shows as we grew up. The Golden ice-cream wala knew our holidays. He would yell out extra loudly on those days in front of our gate. And we would plead. Somedays we would hit the jackpot and get a Chocobar, other days we used to be content with an orange candy.

Heavy rains used to fill up the space in front of the porch with water. We would run out to get wet. Be ready with our boats. Be jealous of the kids who were allowed to run free on the roads. But we would revel in our space. Cross our fingers that a rainy day would be declared in school. The lyrics that come back to me time and again is cliched..but perfect..

वो मासूम चाहत की तस्वीर अपनी,

वो ख्वाबों खिलौनों की जागीर अपनी,

ना दुनिया का गम था, ना रिश्तों का बंधन,

बड़ी खूबसूरत थी वो ज़िन्दगानी.....

वो कागज़ की कश्ती, वो बारिश का पानी....

There is actually no end to the million things that come to my mind when I think of home. We have moved on from that house to an apartment. Its not the same, but it still is home. The warmth is still there in every nook and corner, because its not the bricks and mortar but ma and baba who define home to me. Dada and I have moved on to far away places. Rare are the occasions when we get together. Memories are all that binds us together. Hats off to the two people who have given us this rock solid support to hold on to, in times good and bad. Hats off to ma and baba. I had said this before..that if I could be even 10% of what they are, I would be exceptional!

Sinking in..

2009-10-13T15:53:00.000-07:00

28^th September, 2009

Place – Sampoorn Kranti train (somewhere in Bihar)`

I really should stop cribbing. Yes, my seat is such that only my size can fit in. That too, barely. There is an infant sitting next to me whose shrill voice even my ipod can’t drown. There is a lecherous guy sitting in front of me, who is staring away to glory with his beady eyes. And now that I have written all this, I feel better. J I am listening to Iktara. I remember telling someone that there are songs which I put in the genre of ‘travelling songs’. You know, the ones which go along with the rhythm of the train. This is one of them. Cliched but Denver’s ‘Country road, take me home’ also fits the bill perfectly. And so does Annie’s song.

Something about these long journeys alone, that makes me take stock of my life. Not in a very serious where am I headed way. But just, in a lighter ‘I am glad my life is the way it is’ way. J Sam got married. Divs says she almost feels orphaned. So do I. Sri and I still have that deal with Sam about living in her attic. That’s how its always been. She takes care of us. Cooks for us. Spoils us and then gives us an earful for all the mischief that we are perpetually upto. This is what we are used to, what I am used to. There is this comfort which comes with inertia, and its so hard to let go of it. I remember Sam making it a point to meet the guy I was going out with for dinner and asking him to drop me at a decent hour. Poor Gajju dropped me home diligently, well before time. J I still am scared of her. Always will be. I guess it happens when you adore someone so much. Sri was right, not even an MBA can cure that. Probably, I’ll teach my kids better.

So that’s a change. A big one. So big that I can’t even begin to put down in words. It will take a while for this to sink in. Till then, I shall stay in my comfy world where the mental image is still of school days, of phuchkas bought with borrowed money, of bombs in the bathroom, of bunking lectures to sit in the home science room to discuss movies, of getting caught for pranks we did and even those we weren’t a part of, of friends so close that not meeting them for even a day seemed insane. That was almost eight years back, and yet I choose to ignore the years in between and pretend that nothing’s changed.

Moving on, this year was the year of extremes. Extreme happiness, many teary eyed days, some of the best laid plans went awry and then again, life threw in a fair share of pleasant surprises and happy moments. Its comfy to know that the worst days pass eventually and just as scary to realize that happiness is shortlived.

I could write about Sunshine, but talking about her would take another post altogether. More about that later. For now, yes life is different. Different from what it was a few months back. In ways good and bad. But that’s always the case. I like it this way. Gives me ample opportunities to crib my heart out. But every night, before I sleep off, I thank my stars that there is something good around. With this thought, I drift off. More later!

So Blue!

2009-09-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

It is one of those days. People call it a blue day. Don't know why. Always liked the colour blue. Nothing wrong with it. Grey would have been more like it. But you get what I mean to say. Its a Saturday. Am at home, with my family after a very long time. It is Durga Pujo, the one festival that gives Bengalis a high, even alcohol can't match upto. And still, I feel low. And I don't know why.

So I try to cure it. I call up friends. Ones who make me smile instantly with their wisecracks. Even though most are on me. I hear about their fun times, their stories, plans for the day. And the moron that I am, I am not happy for them. Don't judge me. Blame it on the day.

Its one of those days that make me think of the people I lost out on. Friends who walked away. I miss them. Not that I would change anything. Because things are the way they are, for a reason. But I think of them. In those odd moments when I stare in space. And the space throws back a fun moment with them. A joke shared with them. And I smile. Smile about the eccentricities. And then the grey feeling takes over.

Life shouldn't be about lost friends, lost moments, unsaid words...what could have been..what should have been. Life's what's happening now. As I write these lines. This place I call home. Those people who are still around. The smiles that still get me through the day. The voices that make me feel warm. So I fight this feeling. For those who walked away, I survive without you. But I still think about you. For those who stayed, I love you all. Unconditionally. You know I do.

Tomorrow will be a new day. A happier day. And I will write again. About happier times. About the insanity that comes with being me. And I realise with every day, that that's me. Eccentric, weird, crazy, lazy, happy, sad, mean, selfish....sometimes all at once..sometimes one at a time. For those who know me, don't say I didn't warn you.

And for the long blue day.....even this shall pass!

I miss Infy!

2009-06-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

Thought I'll never say this..but even after a year of quitting the company.. I miss Infy! So this post is dedicated to my swthrts there :) While leaving, I had written this weirdass poem (if it qualifies for a poem, that is!). Putting it up here, because that just about summarizes everyone I knew and how I knew them..

The Farewell Poem

My last day in Infy

And all I can say is - Hum ja rahe hai J

Yaad aayega Aetinfo and all the fun we had,

The DumbC, the pictionary, the umpteen coffee breaks..

Jinme karte the hum time barbaad

Yaad aayega Gujju ka overusage of the word 'fuck',

Inke pockets se paise nikaalna, bhaisaab! …hai sheer luck!

Eklauta infy ka banda, jiska income tax kat ta hai zero,

Sala humko bhi bata deta kuch trade secret, hero!

Yaad aayega Thousand oaks ka wo Long Island Ice Tea,

Jiska 10 ml kar deta hai gujju ko bilkul high and happy!

Kar lena ek sushil gujju ladki se shaadi agle saal,

Ummed hai koi daarubaaz charsi mile..

phir hum poochenge tumhare haal! :D

Yaad aayega Ladha ka sachha pyaar,

Arre nahi bhai..gullu nahi..hum apni baat kar rahe the yaar!

Don't ever quit Infy meri jaan,

Mar jayenge yahan ke ladke aur ladkiyan…

palat palat ke dekhenge kise ye subah shaam!

I have quit drinking..I have quit non-veg,

Ye kehte kehte sabse pehle large vodka order karti hai ye angrez!

Accent inki bhaari hai, Aur Hindi bilkul Bihari hai,

But, all in all, ye bestest dost hamari hai J

Yaad aayega Sir (Mayank) ke paintre hazaar,

Sala pata bhi nahi chalta tha, aur daant ke nikal leta tha baar baar!

Sawaal poochna was a one way road to the inquisitorial squad..

Firing range pe khada kar ke, kar deta tha barbaad!

Phatichar Jokes ki MB karta hai ye,

Reetu, tum kuch samjhaati kyu nahi ho ise!!

Ab soch liya hai ki karenge aapko hi emulate,

Sabki itni lenge, ho jayenge sab frustrate :D

Bahut kuch sikhaane ke liye thank you Sir,

No formalities, kuch emotions genuine hai yahan par J

Yaad aayega Gurmeet ka bachpan,

Oh! What the hell! He is still ten plus one!

Ladkiyon se 'only friendship' ki aas lagaye baithe hai,

Ab to KG ke bachhe bhi inse aage nikal gaye hai!

Sutta sun ke kaan band karta hai ye 'cool dude',

Phir, dekhta hai back to back American Pie, to prove his manlihood! :P

'Ok' iska favourite word hai,

Aur itna khaata hai, isiliye is desh mein anaaj kam hai!

Aur kaafi kuch bol sakte hai hum,

But I believe he will get genuinely bummed :D

Good luck with the 'Harsimrats' of Chandigarh,

Hamein bhi time to time yaad karte rehna par..

Yaad aayega Pallav ka baar baar bolna 'sahi hai',

Even then, jab inka dhyaan hamari baton mein nahi hai J

Perpetually ladkiyon ki khayalon mein doobe rehte the,

Saamne ek khidki mili thi, usi ke lutf lete rehte the!

Phir aaya inki zindagi mein sachha pyaar,

Aur ye aur gurmeet ban gaye kaafi (stress kiya jaaye is shabd pe) gehre yaar! :D

Doodh ke dhule hue hai, atleast that's what he claims

Pub mein jakar sutta aur daaru! Shame shame! J

Tumhare liye bas itna hi saxena,

Delhi aa kar mile nahi to khoob pitoge, dekh lena!

Yaad aayega NCR,

Kyuki Pulkit ke pass, yahan ke kisse the dus hazaar!

Delhi posting, Java development project, biwi se shaadi..

We all wonder..kab aayegi inki zingai mein khush haali!

Ab to SCJP likh do bhai,

Hum sab sure hai tum score karoge pretty high! [:D]

Jaate jaate hamara pyaar bhara advice,

Kam crib karo saale, it's a very big vice!

Yaad aayega Sid's initial silence,

Ghanto gayab rehte the janaab,

Sab sochte the..Kaam karte kab the aap?! J

Hamare saamne, a man of few words he is,

Phir Gurmeet ko gyaan kya dete rehte ho..hamein bhi batao please ;)

Good luck for onsite dude…

I hope, jald se jald, you travel that route!

Yaad aayega Mr. Workaholic Sreenivas Rao Chennamsetty

Inka sabse bada darr, office se jaldi chutti na ho jaaye kahi! J

Measures ka to post mortem kar diya hai isne,

Jis din chutti pe hota, Meera/Manali ka dil lagta hai baithne :D

Sabka chaheta hai hamara Sreeni,

Kaam karna aur khaana hai inki destiny!

Shakl to hai bilkul sharifo wala,

Par ye bhi karta hai kaafi ghotala!

Kehta hai ‘what is the need for girlfriend! I need my space!’

I hope kabhi to ye karega zindagi ki realities ko face J

Its been a year in IIFT and its a whole lot of fun...but still, I keep looking back..and when i do look back, these people give me a hundred reasons to smile! :)

Notes from Chennai..

2009-05-31T07:59:00.000-07:00

Somehow life has a habit of never living up to your expectations. So, the cool way of living it is to have low expectations. If this law holds true, life will do a reverse swing and surprise you pleasantly. I don’t make much sense, do I? In my twisted mind, I do. So, when I was asked for location preferences for my internship, I had comfortably struck off Kolkata and Chennai fromthe list. But thanks to the infallibility of Murphy’s Law, my dreams of going to Bombay/Pune were torn to smithereens and Chennai was handed out as my location for two of the hottest months of the year. My dear friends smirked, made jokes and had a hearty laugh. Yes, the more the lowe, the more is such disguised affection. Or so I like to believe.

Now that am almost finishing off my summers in Chennai, it’s been a whirlwind of fun. Lungi land, as I had fondly named the place, when I was painting dark and dreary pictures of my two months here before joining, has not only surpassed all expectations but has set new standards of the good times. The whacky times.

The city has its own eccentricities. The hot and humid weather that promised to suffocate me in the daytime made me curse my luck many a times. And then when I sit in that favourite balcony of mine, watching hundreds of people making a beeline for the beach, vibrant colours all over..balloons here and there..wind in my face..the sea all calm and distant..I realise I like this place. More than I can admit to myself.

All questions end with the syllable 'a' here. I thought everything ended with that syllable, but as a friend enlightened me one day..not everything..just the questions. So, that's why, the lift lady would ask me 'fifth-a?' and the auto fellow asks me 'right-a?'. Yes, slowly things are falling into place. Slowly, somethings have started making sense. People call each other 'macha'. A form of endearment they say. 'Anna' is the Tam version of 'Dada'..a bong's way of addressing every second person. Such is the communication gap here, that on one of those days when nothing goes right..I managed to get lost and couldn't,for the love of god, explain to the Auto Anna where I wanted to go. Yes, it irks at times that people don't get what I want to say..irks that Tamil is not the easiest of languages..but still, I find my way around here. With my friends and their broken Tamil, I roam around with utmost confidence in the lanes of Besant Nagar, Thiruvanmiyur et al.

The burger joint next to my place makes these delectable Barbeque Chicken burgers. Mc Donalds is a crying shame in front of it. There was moderate competition from this certain burger called 'Bin Laden' burger in this place called Tasty Jones. But that was settled last night, Americana won without much of an effort. For the anti-junk food brigade, I say try this burger..you might think about switching sides atleast twice a week..like I do. :)

Then there are these goofy insane people I call my friends here. My support system..my quota of laughs for the day.. people who make Chennai a super place..people who make leaving this place a sad thought. Its not the eccentricities of a place that matter..not the scenic beauty..not luxury..not food..but people who really matter. So when I think of that burger, its not just that but the company of a friend I hadn't met for eight years, that comes to my mind. When I think of the beach, I think of sitting with them on that porch while we sip a beer in peace. I won't miss the parties, because they happen all the time..everywhere..irresepctive of the city we are in. But yes, its not the same. The jokes won't be the same, the profound conversations that crack us up at weird hours won't be the same, the company won't be the same.

As the Greenday song goes..

'Its something unpredictable, but in the end its right..

I hope you had the time of your life...'

Yes, I did have the time of my life. For all you sceptics, Chennai rocks! :)

Me the photographer!

2009-04-02T07:32:00.000-07:00

I think its high time that the college authorities gave me an official post and started paying me for it! I mean I am there - every occasion small or big, capturing some happy and mostly embarrassing moments with the one device that Ms. Raje absolutely hates!

Aah..but who am i kidding..I will remain a poor student and the damn college will be taking those demand drafts incessantly. Paying me anything is wishful thinking! :D But this is not what I wanted to write! With these digital cameras, the worst bit is that you click like there's no tomorrow. And thus, end up with 500 pics for each event/trip/birthday etc etc. So many so that one doesn't even feel like going through it. Today I was making ma watch Holi snaps. First she saw, then she pretended and then she gave up and dozed off. And I didn't even get to the good ones! But I love clicking snaps. There's something about capturing a nice smile, a weird look, a funny face, an awkward moment - that compels me to go on and on.

So two things I am going to do -

1. Make a collage of the pics I like and post them here. (I will spare the censored ones!)

2. Get some pics printed. Hard copies. Ones which can be put in albums. And then looked at without opening the darned laptop!

I realise I have started writing things in a pointwise manner. I know who I picked that from. :) So without much ado, am posting the first collage. More shall follow. They might not be great, but theses are pics/people I lowe. So, up they go on my blog!

Travel Travails!

2009-04-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

Its been seven..no wait..eight years since I left home. No, I wasn't chucked out due to some misdeed (as most of my friends would like to presume). Higher studies beckoned. So, ever since then, I have been travelling on my own. Patna to Pune, Bombay, Mysore, Bangalore, Goa etc. etc. The list is long. I should've championed the cause of 'travelling safely' by now! But no, everytime I end up in a bigger mess than before.

Let bygones be bygones (or whatever that phrase is). I wouldn't bore you with my earlier escapades, although the one time that I missed my train and took a taxi at one in the morning to follow the train is definitely worth a mention. :P So, this one is about my train journey from Delhi to Patna - 30th March 2009.

So, the plan was to reach Delhi at 6 in the morning, get done with my scheduled meeting by 1 pm, leave hostel by 3:15pm and catch my train Garib Rath at 4:50 pm. Seemed easy enough to execute, till things started going horribly wrong.

7:00 - 10:00 am - I slept. Three precious hours that should've been used for packing. But God knows how much I've missed out on sleeping this entire sem, so found no good reason to stay awake and thus, slept like a child.

10:30 am - Called the grand old man, only to be informed that meeting begins at two. Thanked my stars, and started packing.

1:00 pm - Done with packing. Finished some last minute errands.

1:45 pm - I call up a friend and ask him to find out which station my train leaves from. The diligent reply is New Delhi station at 4:50pm.

2:00 pm - Meeting begins. Some mind boggling discussion ensues. I keep pointing out that I have a train at 4:50 pm. But the issue at hand seemed to be more important than such mundane things like catching a train. I start checking my watch frantically by 3:30 pm. I could see KT outside making weird gestures which all meant 'Hurry up'!

3:40 pm - I run out, KT offers a lift to the station. So we dumped a truckload of luggage in the car, and rush to NDLS. Now this is the best (or the worst) bit. We almost reached station and I take out my ticket to check my seat number. To my utter horror, the train leaves from Nizamuddin. So, there goes Garib Rath! Right on time, but without me in it!

So, I got my ticket done for Magadh Express which leaves NDLS at 8 pm. I would still reach Patna at 11:30 am next day. Not bad, I thought. So, we went to CP via the Metro. I got to ride the Delhi Metro for the very first time (yes, you can sense the elation :) ). Met up with Daddu and Sweetu there, relaxed and went back to station at 7:30 pm.

Thought that was the end of it. I will board the train and rest in peace. But as luck would have it, the train was rescheduled for 00:50 hours. With a ton of luggage and jobless for the next 5 hours, even the optimist in me was stumped. KT and Daddu had to go home. And being stranded all by myself on a Delhi platform wasn't my idea of joy.

So, Sweetu came to the rescue. Her place was 15 minutes away, and uncle said he would drop me later in the night. KT and I took elaborate directions, just to go round in circles and got lost thrice in the process! Finally, did manage to reach her place after an hour, had ghar ka khana, followed by a good two hours of priceless gossip and future planning.

I boarded the train at 00:45 hours. I was finally on my way home!

Lessons learnt -

1. Always check your ticket yourself!

2. My friends are the bestest in this whole wide world (I did know this one already)

3. When things have to go wrong, they will go wrong. But, even the worst days pass eventually.

A Wednesday

2008-10-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

I am impressed. Naseeruddin Shah’s dialogue at the end is worth a thought. A common man’s answer to terrorism (my apologies for plagiarism) -

‘Aapke ghar mein cockroach aate hai to aap use paalte nahi, maarte hai. Main wo hoon jo aaj bus aur train mein baithne se darta hai. Main wo ho jo kaam par jata hai to uske biwi ko lagta hai jung pe ja raha hai. Main wo hoon jo kabhi barsaat mein phansta hai, kabhi blast mein. Main wo hoon jo kisi ke haath mein tasbeeh dekh ke shak karta hai aur main wo bhi hoon jo aaj kal daadi badhane se aur topi pehenne se ghabrata hai. Jhagda kisi ka bhi ho, bewajah marta main hi hoon. Bheed to dekhi hogi na aapne, bheed main se koi ek shakl chun lijiye, main wo hoon. I am just the stupid common man wanting to clean his house.

Logo mein gussa bahut hai, unhe aazmana band kijiye. We are resilient by force, and not by choice. Galti hamari hai. Humlog bahut jaldi ‘used to’ ho jaate hai. Ek aisa haadsa hota hai to channel badal badal ke sara maazra dekh liya. Sms kiya, phone kiya, shukr manaya ki humlog bach gaye aur phir us situation se ladne ke bajaye hum uske saath adjust karma shuru kar dete hai. Par hamari bhi majboori hai, hamein ghar chalana hota hai. Isliye humne sarkar ko chuna hai, ki wo mulk chalaye. Aap log, sarkar, police force, intelligence saksham hai aise pest control ke liye, lekin aap log kar nahi rahe. Sirf sheh diye ja rahe hai. Why are you not nipping them in the bud? Ek aadmi gunehgaar hai ya nahi, ye saabit karne ke liye aapko dus saal lag jaate hai? Aapko ye nahi lagta hai ki ye aapki kabiliyat pe sawaal hai? This whole bloody system is flawed. Aap jaise log in keedo ka safaya nahi karenge, to hum logo ko jhaadu uthana padega. Shayad usse hamari is civilized society ka balance bigad jayega, lekin kya kare. Koi m******* button dabake mere liye ye faisla nahi karega ki mujhe kab marna hai.

Unhe fakr hai, 93 pe, 2006 pe, Gujrat, Mumbai, Delhi, Ahmedabad, Malegaon pe. Mujhe fakr hai khud pe ki main aise logo ko maar raha hoon. Main koi maseeha nahi hoon aur ye main sirf apne liye kar raha hoon. Main chahta hoon ki agar mera bachha ghar se baahar nikle, to bekhauff ghoome, kahi bhi, kabhi bhi, train mein, bus mein, kahi bhi. Jo train blast hue, wo sirf ek terrorist activity nahi the, bahut bade sawaal the. Aur wo sawaal ye tha ki bhai, hum to tumhe isi tarah maarenge, tum kya kar loge? Yes, they asked us this question on a Friday, repeated it on a Tuesday. I am just replying on a Wednesday.’

Bomb blasts have become a day to day activity. We change the channel when they show bodies lying in blood. ‘Ye tasveerein vichlit kar sakti hai’ – that’s the caption shown with these pictures. Haan, vichlit to karti hai, but just to the extent that we thank our lucky stars that we or our loved ones weren’t around to face the brunt.

I think it was the day before, when we were in the car park of Select Citywalk, this huge mall in the heart of Delhi. So, Renj, her sis, her nephew Neil and I were walking towards the car. We saw this innocuous looking small pillow lying next to the driver’s seat, outside the car. The first thing that came to our minds was could this be a bomb. Some people might laugh at our paranoia, but the thought was a serious one. We actually contemplated on calling security, and on finding none around, we entered the car from the other side. Only when the car was reversed and nothing ripped us apart, we breathed a sigh of relief. That’s the kind of fear that has been inculcated in our minds. In some ways, the terrorists have been successful.

The irony of it is that all I am doing is writing a blog and wondering what can I do. Its terrorism after all! Not a common man’s forte, to fight something as huge as terrorism. And then I saw the movie ‘A Wednesday’ and thought, that maybe…just maybe something can be done. Something should be done. The question is will we wait for someone we love, to die before we do something?

My daddy strongest

2008-09-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

For once, I can't see humour in small things.

For once, tears seem comforting.

For once, vacations seem like a monstrosity.

For once, fear seems tangible.

For once, prayers seem credible.

We fight all the time. We have a difference of opinion about everything. Stubborn as mules, we would stand by our judgements and create an uproar till ma would play third umpire. So many vacations went by, when I would love to be alone in the house. I used to be home alone from 10 to 6. Revel in the space and do what I felt like.While he slogged it out, got up early in the morning, helped ma, ran a thousand errands, left for office - I slept in the comfort of my room. He would keep trying to wake me up, I know he loves it when i get up and have a cup of tea with him, he loves it when i tell him college/office stories - but i didn't do any of those things. I slept.

He is proud of ma. He is proud of being known as Alpana mam's husband. So much so that, his life revolves around ma's routine. From the bus stop where he drops her every morning (even though its a minute away from home) to the last triangle that has to be cut out for craft class, he does everything to make ma's life easier. He would stand taller when ma would be recognised at every second place they went. Yes, my daddy strongest does everything for ma, for me, for dada - for eveyone he loves obsessively. And yet, we missed the strain he had been going through. We missed the tired face when he would come back from office.

He gave up on the good things in life, so that I can splurge in college. He planned meticulously, so that we never fell short of anything. When he walks into a room full of people, he lets people know in his loud voice that dada is in TCS, in New York, that I am in IIFT, that Ma is in DPS - all nitty gritties that we always wished he would forget to mention. But we missed the pride in his voice. There is so much of him in me, and yet I have managed to find faults in him.

Life was flying by and I was indifferent, happy in my own small world. One call, ma's quivering voice, the deafening silence behind, the rain drops in my face and a severe heart attack. That was 17th September 2008. Dad had a heart attack. My daddy strongest. It is a gut wrenching feeling, seeing him on the hospital bed.

I go back home and crave for the meaningless fights. I don't want to switch on the TV because it reminds of his fetish for Dharmendra movies. I move around from room to room. Everything that I have done wrong, every moment that I was rude to him, every moment that I could have used to talk to him, to be with him, to laugh with him and I missed - it keeps coming back to me now.

I believe that prayers heal. And I know dad will be fine.

Just that home doesn't seem like home without his presence. Get well soon baba. Your partner in crime misses you.

Photoshop I like!

2008-09-23T23:54:00.000-07:00

This collage is Apu centric, because well.. this was supposed to be sent to her only. Anyway, turned out okay. Even Kinshu's distorted chin is lookin good :D

For the ignoramus, the people in the collage -

The most prevalent face - Apu (Apoorva Raje)

The fair one - Aaki (Aakriti Talwar)

The one with the long chin - Mr. Nice Guy (Kinshu Sinha)

The sleepy lady - Debu/Gunda (Devika Phumbhra)

Hazy guy in blue tshirt - Bhuti (Ankit Bhutani)

And there's me ofcourse. :)

Not so bad afterall..! :)

2008-08-31T03:54:00.001-07:00

Thoughts are always aplenty, but to actually take the effort to switch on the computer and type a post - the lazybum in me just refuses to oblige! Last I wrote was when Motu got married. Since then a LOT has changed! Just to name a few –

1. I am jobless
2. I am a poor-trying to make ends meet- B school student
3. My seven year long tryst with Pune ended
4. My journey in Delhi began on 1^st July
5. I am back in an overcrowded hostel, sharing bathrooms :(
6. I am in a co-ed college

The New life -

1. There are seven people in the room I stay in. Yes, I kid you not – the number is 7!

The one thing I miss most is my flat in Pune. A room with a view, all to myself - where listening to Nirvana full blast on my Altec Lansing speakers at 3 in the morning is not sacrilege, where I could get up ANY time of the night and fix myself a snack, where I could indulge in cooking, where in-house parties with quality alcohol, people and pictionary was how we spent weekends and where the bathroom was blissfully well equipped, clean and always available. And now, the place I live in is Room 36/17/18, Old Hostel, IIFT. No, the college hasn't allotted three rooms to me. I am an 'add-on' to rooms 17 and 18. Seven people in one room, one shady bathroom, too close for any privacy – but I admit that I don’t hate it. I enjoy being around people I like (not too sure whether its true the other way round :) ). A single room is just wishful thinking in this sarkari college. We do have fun, but there are days when solitude and peace seems so out of reach here.

2. The one problem I can’t seem to solve is how to stay awake in lectures! Now when I was preparing for these B school exams, I thought classes here would be fun. Some Einstein like professor would be dishing out extremely interesting food for thought and students would be giving profound insights. Of course, I knew I would only listen. But mind you, I assumed I would be AWAKE. Day One IIFT Delhi – The professor starts talking and my inner battle with sleep begins in 5 minutes! One trimester down, and I have lost the battle fair and square. My sleeping prowess can only be challenged by Bhuti. Now if you knew him, you would know that that’s no mean feat. It’s amazing that the teachers haven’t thrown me out of class yet!

3. I have learnt to play TT. I think I am good at it. I can serve, return serves and sometimes, by sheer pot luck, return smashes as well. :) The odd spin from time to time is never intentional, though I like Apu to believe otherwise. :P The TT table is of international standards. Tilted at some 5 odd degrees and with a huge rift in the centre – it’s truly pathetic! But still, we play with utmost reverence. :) Sometimes till 6 in the morning! I have relatively improved my game – initially the long one used to beat me 21-4/21-5 (u get the picture). Now, she beats me 21-16/21-17. Now, that’s definitely a lot of improvement. I mean I have actually played shots which she couldn’t reach! (She has verrry long hands).

4. My friends and family are going to disown me (if they haven’t already). Now now, don’t presume that this is because I am a vile person with not so endearing traits. I like to believe that I am ‘such a joy to be with’. :) To problem ye hai – 24 hours is too f***** less! There are so many things that take so much time that before one gets to know, its 2 in the morning. A very sane time for most of us, but for world outside a B-school, calls made at this time would mean a truckload of choicest abuses. To delve deeper into the problem, let’s look at the ‘so many things’ that take up our time.

a) Food at Dhaba

b) Special tea at dhaba

c) Coffee/chocolate fantasy in rockland

d) Dinner at Tanku’s

e) Talk/gossip/bakar

f) Power naps

g) Batch meets/ seminars/ CRC (I hate them all!!)

So, ideally finding time for loved ones shouldn’t be a problem. But still, days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into a full trisem and I stayed cut off from the whole wide world! So this is a solemn oath – I shall not be the jerk that I’ve been and I shall not be subjected to so many abuses. :)

There’s so much more that I can write. I could write about my new friends in this new place - but they don’t seem so new anymore. :) Writing about them would make this blog inordinately long. I could write about the 5’10 pact, but since it never was ratified – what’s the point! I could write about the insane jokes that crack us up at 4 in the morning, about the time Debu scared us out of our wits with tht cellphone of hers, about aaki’s killer one liners, about mr. nice guy’s not so nice PJs, about how Bhuti scares the living daylights out of me with just a look, about my 'leech like lowe' for Apu and a hundred other things. As I write all this, I realize that this ‘new life’ isn’t so bad afterall. For every hour that I’ve spent cribbing about this place, I have spent twice as much time loving it and the people in it. :) That ain’t a bad deal at all!

My Best Friend's Wedding

2007-03-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

Motu..my dearest friend..my lifeline from college days...my absolute swthrt :) This one's for you.

I know this is super cliched, but seems like just a week back that I had gone for my college counselling in this college in Bombay...and sitting right next to me was this demure, silent girl...sitting with her brother...contemplating on what college to pick. I was the smartass...offering not so welcome advice..but she did take it and thats how we landed in the same college, and the same hostel..as roommates. Although, god only knows why we picked an all girls' college...should've foreseen the repercussions!

People don't take a liking to me easily..nor did she..thought i talked too much...and was arrogant and weird [:)]. Opinions have changed since then [hopefully :)]...looking back, memories are still vivid...memories of every small bit of fun we had..every tear we shed...every word of encouragement...memories that make looking back into the past a pleasure.

Life's moved on since then..with its fair share of twists and turns. We don't realise how fast time flies by and then there are defining moments in life, which force us to realise that we aren't kids anymore. No, this ain't a philosophical, serious, mind churning blog [:)] . This is about my best friend's wedding...motu's wedding...to the one guy who was always made for her. Filmy i sound, but at times even that makes sense :) .

It was the great Indian wedding in its truest sense. Everything was picture perfect...from the ambience, the people (mum and dad also made it and got truly inspired for my marriage[:)] ), the music and the food [how can i forget tht] ...

Motu was the perfect bride..don't know how but she had suddenly developed these innate bride like characteristics which amazed me thoroughly :D she would blush at the right times..wouldn't look up even if Osama himself would have decided to show up with a wedding gift as cute as a timebomb...she always smiled, mind you..never laughed..stayed for full 24 hours without spilling a drop of water on her mehndi covered hands and feet [ trust me ppl, thts really really tough!] and I could just go on and on [:)].

Gupta..the groom..the one guy who has a silly joke for every moment..who has this compulsion to flirt with every woman he meets [hehehe..sorry gupta..this had to be added]..and there he was..looking all responsible and serious..all geared up for a new life..yes, everything and everyone was different..but in a very nice way [:)]

I had been waiting for this day for quite long..and the sad part of it was that it just flew by..guess that's the thing with good memories..they whizz by and you are left craving for more.

Anyway, it all started with 'The Sangeet'. For a Bengali like me, marriages are very solemn occasions...so nothing had prepared me for this..a complete cultural shock :D The rule says that the bride's best friend has to put up an 'item number'..and well, for that one moment, I wasn't quite cherishing my friendship with motu :( . Everyone there danced like they were born to do so..and amidst them, me..a person born with two left feet...a person who's better off doing head bangs at some rock show...I was asked to dance on 'Jhumka gira re' (some crazy remixed version of it actually)..ofcourse, there was the choreographer..Javed bhai...I had serious concerns that he'll pass out, coz within fifteen minutes of his tutoring..he had this zombie eyed look that how can one mess up such simple stuff...and to add to it, I had company on stage..Motu's younger cousin sister who dances like a dream...while there I was looking like a cross between a frog and a duck!

To cut the long story short...we did pull it off. I managed some jhatkas in true 'chhamiya' ishtyle :D and there were enough whistles and clapping..the reason for tht would be my dancing partner and just plain sympathy moral support :) . Our dance was followed by many others... 'Kajra re' rocked truly.. bhaiya n bhabhi gave an awesome performance with 'ude jab jab zulfein' and didi jijaji rocked the stage with 'Mahi ve'...but the highlight of the evening was a dance put up by the bride and the groom. Beyond brilliant it was..there they were dancing flawlessly, even though they hadn't practised together even once!

After that there was no stopping us...we all hit the dance floor and stayed there till the DJ gave up. I will truly be mortified if this part of the evening has been caught in the video recording! It was like singing in the bathroom..you know that no one's paying attention :).

Then came the much awaited day. I saw them sitting at the podium..with smiles that said a lot..glaring lights, innumerable pictures being taken of them with everyone around..and they were still completely unfazed..they had this look which said 'Mission accomplished' :P. It was an out-of-this-world feeling...I stared at them, it wasn't just another marriage where you pay all the attention to food and the hot men around. For once, I was looking at the bride and groom..they looked so perfect together.. [:)]

The 'pheras' followed after the dinner...I thought I am not capable of crying on such occasions...but we all did. We all listened to all that the pundit ji had to say...and I must give it to him for adding wisdom and humour to occasion. No one slept a wink through the night..and considering our extreme lack of sleep...that was quite an achievement. It was weird...I felt a strange sort of pride looking at motu n Gupta....couldn't quite understand why.

And then it was the last step..the last steps that a daughter officially takes and moves ahead to embrace a new family..a new life. I know..sounds too dramatic..but nothing can prepare you for it. Everyone cried...cried like babies..everyone hugged motu..like we won't ever see her again... I cried too...tears for god knows what reason... thank god I didn't go ahead and hug her..I would have bawled for sure! :D There it was...everything was done..done with perfection. All memories now.... I still can't believe she's married [ I think i'll be in denial till she has kids :)].. to me, she's still my crazy roommate from college.. my partner for endless cups of coffee and crazy conversations... she's that and a lot more..

Wishing you both an absolutely wonderful life!

Love ya... [:)]

A Day at Work....

2006-05-09T00:27:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm..thought I'll come up with something interesting..but sitting in office, interesting things fail to come to my mind. Its a state of 'No work and No play'...so u can guess how dull this can be!I wonder if there's anything known as job satisfaction. Must be there somewhere...this term can't be a fictitious one..but i seem to be way too far away from it. I hate to crib..and i don't like to be completely satisfied either..so,where does this leave me...probably midway between the extremes. But then again, if you are just moderately sad about your situation, can you get the drive to move ahead? Move ahead I say...but I don't know where am I headed...is money the drving force..would i trade better work for money...or would I be happier with something that interests me but pays less dividends...my mind says the latter is true..but who knows, I might just crib again that I can't indulge in worldly pleasures because of the measly job I have..I do agree that the mind is full of conflicts...and I need to make the call..the sooner the better:)
The company I work for...thousands of people work here...half of them have a job as meaningless as mine...spending their days in utilising a Microsoft production called Excel sheets..and still many don't complain. Is it strange that I do or is it the other way round! I do want to strive for a better goal..but defining that in itself is quite a task..a money grosser (and an oft treaded)path would be MBA..would I start liking my job then?who knows...I might just...never any harm in trying...coz stagnation is a killer...anything but that. Strange that this was not what i intended to write about...but thats what I am..strange:) I'll continue this...I can definitely write more about the part of life where I spend most of my days....will be back with more moronic details..till then..adios!

Here i go:)

2006-05-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

Blogging... a much talked about term amongst all...and so i thought i'll give it a shot as well..check out what is it exactly like to put down what you think,for the whole world to know. Its strange that when you get down to really write something, thoughts completely evade you...I have been staring at this screen for quite some time..and it seriously is not helping. About me, there's not much that I'd like to say..sometimes sane..sometimes not so sane..love a genuine smile..hate hypocrisy..hate cliches but indulge in them inevitably(doesn't everyone?!)..live to eat..love my friends and folks...and I'll stop before this gets to you. Hope to come up with something more original soon enough..for the time being, I sign off!Adios....