Monday, July 30, 2012

Mike the Durable

So, one can't think of interesting things to write about very often. Until and unless, you lead a celebrity's life with fans tearing their clothes off for you and writing letters for you. With their own freakin' blood! Yeah I am a little dramatic and stereotyped. All at the same time. :P

Anyway, so sometimes you got to just find interesting things to read. Today's find was Michael Malloy or Mike the Durable. Here's the Wiki link for the uninitiated.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Malloy

Not an enjoyable read I know. But, still amazing right? To summarize, you'll die when you are meant to. Not even antifreeze will kill you (is it supposed to kill?). Also, there is no quality control in humans. Just when you thought they stooped the lowest, someone dutifully shows a new low.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Bong Woes

Dear Bengali gene of mine,


That I was born with you, it is fine
But then, you taught me that true love is equal to feesh
So, I fell for oh-so-lip-smackin’ ileesh
Why you no tell me such obsession is akin to crime!
Like a forlorn distraught lover, every day I pine
Oh dear Bengali gene of mine

That you give my clan two left feet, it is fine
But, then you induce an immense love for dancing,
On the dance floor, oh how we dazzle and shine
As people watch in horror and we are prancing
Why you no tell us that is Zulu dance from the ancient time!
Oh dear Bengali gene of mine

That you give us curves, that is fine
But then, you did not tell us that between healthy and fat
There is a bhery thin line!
The line of cakes, ice creams and roshogullas
That we have been taught to devour since the beginning of time
Why you no make us skinny like Heidi Klum, you swine!
Oh dear Bengali gene of mine

That you gave us long complex names, it is fine
But then, you butcher everyone's name, is that not a crime!
Why you no qualms in calling 'Saikat' as 'Shoikot'
Poor Saikat, he would have died
And then turned in his grave a thousand times!
Bhaalo naam and daak naam - you draw the line
Then you call us Bubai, Papai, Tukai and other such names divine
Eeesh! Ekdom ee jaaa taaa - I protest and whine
Oh dear Bengali gene of mine

That you give us loving parents, it is fine
But then, you trigger a worldwide alert everytime I sneeze
Is that not a scary sign!
Aaha re aamaar shona Bubai - they say
As we mentally cry out, a sneeze is bhery bhery benign!
Why you no play cool atleast sometime!
Oh dear Bengali gene of mine

Footnote: This has been written with the utmost love for my clan. :) Please don't take it personally!

For your reference:
Ileesh - A type of fish we would kill for and might break into tears every time we think of it.
Roshogulla - Round white spongy spheres of heaven. A dessert a Bengali child learns to eat before he can speak/walk/live.
Bhery - How we say Very
Bhalo Naam - The long proper name.
Daak Naam - The weird small name aka nickname