Thursday, March 01, 2012

Tooth Ache and Other Maladies

Its 2:59 pm on a Thursday. My tooth ache or lack-of-a-tooth ache was supposed to go away as of Monday 7:01 pm or somewhere around that time. So, with well justified rage, from Tuesday onwards I ate everything that was not advised by the doctor. Thinking what the ain’t going away anyway! To keep myself away from all the feesh! Eeeeeesh! Rebellion and nonchalance at my age does not add up well. It just adds up to a nagging ache, which makes me not want to concentrate on all the world-changing  society-altering work that my job is right now. And if you did not spot the sarcasm in this, delete me from your Facebook (or however people un-friend others nowadays)!

While my own life has become a joke of sorts, Sunshine suggested today that I should write funny. Not thoughtful and depressing. Realized one doesn’t have to write ‘how do you put an elephant in a fridge’ jokes (you’ve heard that one, haven’t you?) to make people laugh. Just write about your own skewed life and half the comments would read ‘Oh! So hilarious!’. But I haven’t started writing with the intent to make you laugh. Instead, I found these two authors who have never failed to make me laugh. David Sedaris and Bill Bryson. Pick their books up next time you’re in the dumps. No, I won’t say it’ll get you LOLing because THAT is not even a WORD! I hate these new-fangled abbreviations! LOL..LMFAO…ROFLOL…thu! Some days back a colleague wished a friend with ‘MMHROTD’! Sounded like an abuse straight from the land of my grandfathers! These books will just make you laugh till your sides ache, that’s all I wanted to say.

Today, I wanted to search for something amply significant. Opened Google and typed in ‘how to’. Then forgot, what had to go in front of the how to. The joy that Google is, it always has handy auto-suggestions ready. The first few things suggested were How to Kiss, How to reduce belly and How to get pregnant. Now suggestion 1 and 2 I am in agreement with. The art of kissing is lost on most of humanity and don’t even get me started on the belly bit. I think I have been pregnant for 4 years now. There’s no sign of a baby and no end to this pregnancy! But the third suggestion – that had me laughing. Right in the middle of the afternoon, while sitting with colleagues who were worried about the snorting-cum-choking noises I was emanating. Are there two ways of doing this?! Well, I didn’t go ahead with any of the auto suggestions. The people sitting around me don’t think much of my sincere hard-working ways anyway. Don’t think they would have appreciated this. :D

Of late, I have been looking for an avocation. And I am trying to be innovative. Like small kids are. Have you ever heard a two year old say I want to be an engineer. Then, to add pointless value to my career (or that’s what I’d like to think), I want to do an MBA from Yai-Yai-Yum or god forbid Yai-Yai-Pee-Yum! And then trade all my time for more money than I can count. Then, I’ll sit at my desk and dream about vacations with all this money, while I work ALL the time. Okay, now I am getting carried away, but you get the gist of it, right? Kids don’t do that! They think of flying planes. Of wearing their underpants on their trousers and becoming superheroes. I knew a kid who wanted to be a dog walker and a zoo keeper, just because he loved puppies. Growing up has a devastating effect on our creativity. So, I have been reasoning with myself about what can truly keep me happy. When I do get somewhere, I’ll let you know. And since I have done the engineering + yum-bee-yae route, be sure the well-treaded path I won’t be looking at. 

Its 4 pm. The toothache is still there. My work is still pending. I have spent another day in office with minimal brain usage. I am saving it up for the time when ISRO asks me to design rockets. Or when some kid asks me ‘if t-o sounds like too, why isn’t g-o goo!’. Really, no one has an answer to that one! :D Btw, post some poor jokes, will you? I have plans of pissing off Sunshine with an overdose of humor. :P


Tamanna said...

Bill Bryson. Growing up and the loss of creativity. And the endless pursuit of happyness. I was all eyes for this one from the word go. Loved it! If you can write like this, you should know that this should make you happy. Also, you know what would make me happy? Making so much money that I can just walk out of my office, pick up the husband from his, and just leave. Wake up in a new city every few days. See the world. And not worry about things like unemployment or work, paperwork, EMIs on the house, fuel bills, grocery shopping, house help. Man, this stuff will kill me. But I didn't go the BE-MBA way and I don't see this kind of reckless insouciance in my future. Definitely not for the next 20 years. And if the women of my extended khandaan have their way, ever. You know what I am saying right? Raw nerve pe lag gaya hai ye post :p

Sudhanshu said...

Suravi,this is really hilarious and I am not saying it cos u hv written bout our skewed work-life , we all are in the same boat and i dont laughing too much at myself :)

Amazing read really

Soumaya said...

Engineer + MBA is truly the most deadly combination of destroying life totally agreed!! These are motivation read to leave job permanently yayyy :-) I was thinking what I wanted to be while I was a kid
Write more and run watching the uthte huye suraj from the sea line :-)

Suravi said...

@Tam - I know what you're saying. :) And check out David Sedaris. As good, if not better than Bryson!

@Sudhanshu - Thanks! Work life is actually that moronic, that all one can do is laugh at it! :P

@Shomu - Phir se leave job permanently! :O

Bobby Schaeffer said...

Oh, here's one:
A man calls up White House and says, "Can I be the next President?"
The officer asks, "Are you an idiot?"
"Why, is it compulsory?", the man replied.

LOL, I hope you like it. So how's your toothache now? I suggest you visit a dentist, Suravi.

Suravi said...

Thanks Bobby! The toothache is much better now. :)

banti said...

-Good piece of information.