Friday, December 23, 2011

Winds of Change

Disclaimer - The post written below is a figment of my overactive imagination. Or is it? Pinch me! :P

Miracles happen on Christmas and Santa is for real. :) He didn't wriggle down my chimney in his red and white suit. And there were no gifts wrapped in sparkly paper under the christmas tree or in my socks. (Alright..agreed...we haven't put up a christmas tree..and the socks need some washing. They don't smell so good! :P ) But yes, miracles do happen and am full of Christmas joy! :)

Did I tell you that my job sucks a little bit. Makes me feel like Dilbert. I know there's a little bit of him in every one who goes to work. But I am Dilbert, because my boss is the pointy haired dude (better known as PHB) in that comic strip! All I need to do now is get a Dogbert or Catbert to talk to and take advice from. :P



So my version of PHB and his sidekick is what Scott Adams actually writes about. Someone once said about PHB - that it is amazing how much a single person can be hated! :P And hated he is! Comes naturally to most people. Endearing as his traits are - screaming till one can see his tonsils *yuck*...saying some sweet things behind your back *sarcasm*..and his depth of knowledge could barely fill a teaspoon!

So this miracle I was talking about. PHB and sidekick are leaving! Just when we had given up and started drafting our resumes all over again. :) Christmas came a little early this year. :) I'll be keeping some cookies and warm milk out for Santa this Sunday. And for today, bring on the beer and the good spirits! I am on a high anyway! :D Wooohooooo!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Subject Lines are the toughest!

Generally happy. A day spent pretending to work. No, some days I actually work! Some hilarious conversations at work. Not intentionally hilarious, but you know..the ones which trigger a grin in your head. One which keeps growing till you  -
a) Pretend to take an important phone call and run out importantly.
b) Practice self control till your stomach hurts with the urge to laugh. Then, go to (a).
c) Enact a coughing fit. That does not turn out very well though. You need a lot of practice for this one.

The misery that my job is! I can only make jokes about it. Some sensible folks say..you might ummmm try 'changing' it. I assure you I have taken definite steps towards it. :P I am going to the gym regularly (I skipped yesterday only because Sunshine was sick. It was a question of life and death!). I am cooking almost everyday...healthy food mind you. I am reading too. And blogging. \m/. Now that life has a routine, I shall smoothly insert the task 'Make your resume' into it. See what I was getting at! :D Just when you thought I couldn't be more random!

More than one person has told me - Start traveling for a living. Duh! Will you adopt me while I travel for a living. WILL YOU! (I like the idea though :P)

Divs cracked Booth! More happiness.

Motu is expecting! Hapiness unlimited! :D

Friends and the smiles they bring. In fleeting thoughts and over long distance calls. In the warm greetings when you get back home and the merciless jokes that you are the butt of. In pranks and good humor. In mistakes and stupidities. In a not so perfect life, they are like the sun behind the clouds.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Gym Diaries and other mundane things

Hero Hiralal. That's what I call my new gym instructor. In my head (obviously!). I have been in Chennai for more than one and a half years now. My definitions of 'Hot' has changed slowly and surely. Weather wise and otherwise, if you know what I mean. :D So, Hero is this hot, bicep (and tricep) bulging piece of eye candy who moves around the gym flexing his muscles everytime he crosses a mirror or the opposite gender. Now, I love this city absolutely, but the crowd here does not make you turn around. Not even once with a quarterly frequency! So, Mr. Hiralal is the cynosure of many eyes including mine, and probably the only incentive to run like the wind and reach nowhere on a darned treadmill. That was the story till Day 3. Day 4 had me escorted by a certain very brotherly and dictatorial Mr. Thomson who apparently would be taking care of pumping strength in my poor right hand. Such is life! The grapes are sour and I think Hero Hira is a little gay. :P

My laptop breathed its last a couple of months back. My Eurotrip has put me in a very European recession (Btw, it was awesome and totally worth the current poverty :D). You are free to bail me out. Just drop me a message and irresepctive of what the message is, I shall send back my account number. ;) So, I am detoxing from all the incessant social networking and wedding albums and honeymoon albums and what not. Missed the blogging though.

Am a big Potter fan. I completed the seventh book in a day. I know many kids will say..So what! But, me finishing a book as fat as that in a day is a big deal. The only other book with that good a health that I completed was 'A Suitable Boy'. And I don't even want to tell you how long I took! Anyway, that's not the point. Infact, there is no point I am trying to make here. I just want to own a magic wand. A wand which abides my spells. When you're really close to being 30 and you're a little over a decade away from 40 and you are still full of bucketlists, wishlists and dreams...some days you do feel like owning a magic wand.

Needless to say, never stop dreaming. It's the blueprint of how you want to lead your life. My dreams. There are so many. Big and small. To swim in an ocean without the fear of death or depth. To travel to places unheard of. To write a book about my view of these places. To own a home with a big garden, because that's what Ma always wanted. To be able to complete a half marathon (and maybe the full one too) without passing out. To own a cute Labrador pup who grows up and cures my fear of dogs. To teach. Because that's in my genes and that makes me a little bit like Ma. :) To study history. To make musical sense out of my guitar. Like I said, its a blueprint. Maybe I will do all of these, maybe I won't. But if you don't dream, you got nothing to build on.

Like Rowling said -
'As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.'

Thursday, June 02, 2011

One year old!

I got four dislikes for my last post. Spreading misery deserves that. :P But it feels lighter you know. When vague notions of sadness become concrete words. You feel like a third person taking a more objective view of things. You become a little more sane. A little less miserable. And then, you remember the wise old saying - This too shall pass.

So enough is enough. My blog deserves some happy words. Some colours. Some sunshine. It rained yesterday. Something about a walk in the rain. Drenched to the core. A song in my head. Made me smile. Small life you know. Waste it pining for people or smile about the ones who are there. Happiness is always a choice you make. A difficult one sometimes, but its a choice nonetheless.

Found a spot in this quaint bookshop. A quiet corner, a hot cup of coffee and a book. Inner peace or something like it (you know what I mean if you saw Po). In that book and that familiar comforting brew, found solitude easy to sit with. Ma and baba are out on a vacation. A much needed long awaited one. I am loving it. Travelling vicariously through their anecdotes. Anecdotes for which I call them every two hours nowadays. Somewhere between us growing up and our parents growing old, we switch roles. The roads are narrow and treacherous where they are. I worry when their phone's out of reach. And I used to think its insane for them to lose sleep over my travel escapades and perpetually out of coverage phone. :) Karma I tell you. A bitch, but quite a teacher.

The book am reading right now is full of beautifully written one-liners. Seems like the author lived my life at some point of time or the other and penned all of it down. Probably anyone who reads this will be of a similar opinion. Good authors are rare. This book's a keeper. More on that later.

Completed a year in Chennai. Not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing. These milestones are reminders of all that needs to be done. The usual you know. Find a better job. Figure out what I actually want to do. Maybe study some more. Change being the only constant, we just keep looking for reasons to change something or the other.

Right now, I am just complacent. Rather, content is a better word. One day at a time. One step at a time. Baby steps.Someday when am sitting in my corner and sipping that coffee, I'll figure out the bigger picture. All that needs to be done. For now, Floyd and I shall keep each other company till I sleep. :)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

One of those days

Ever had one of those days? When it feels like someone put a hand in your gut, pulled out your intestines and twisted them in funny but gross shapes. When something titanium-like seems to be weighing you down. When you're walking and you wished the road just went on and on. And you could just keep walking. Without a thought or a reason. When you have so much to say that silence seems an easier way out. When good food doesn't do the trick. Nor does ma's call. It was one of those days. Sigh!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Facts

A mug of beer is good for processing your thoughts. It provides clarity.
If you're still reading the book you were reading three months back, either the book is trash or you ain't a reader.
When you dance like no one's watching, that's freedom. If you haven't done it yet, you don't know it yet.
If you have a long bucket list, its a good thing.
If you have a long bucket list, but you are spending day after day doing nothing, that's a cause for concern.
If you haven't asked someone out yet, you still don't know what being nervous is.
To apologize and to actually mean it is tough.
To admit you are wrong is also in the same league of tough.
We get over everything. Time doesn't heal, it just makes your memory woozy.
Travel like the world is going to end tomorrow. You don't know what you're missing.
Keep notes. Of good memories. Age and memory are not on best of terms.
We'll never learn how to balance altruism and selfishness.
We'll never learn how to let go.
Complacence is a killer.
You're never too old to be a rebel.
Advice in sane doses is a good thing. Don't overdo it.
Two weeks to cover all that you want to see in Europe is insanely less.
Backpack with a map. Rugged travel is how I define cool.
Everyone is possessive. If you think you aren't, you just haven't found someone/thing you are that fond of.
Don't cheat. Because karma is a bitch. She'll get back at you.
Have atleast one vice. Being good is unbearable sometimes.
Money comes and goes. If it makes you happy, let it go.

We all have a defined line of thought. A set of rules we live by. Some are vocal like I am, and some keep it to themselves. I could keep adding to this list, but its mundane to keep dishing out obvious truths or my perception of the truth. At the end of the day, its simple maths. If the result is a lot of happiness with small lapses of misery, you did well. If not, find that mug of beer. Life's not complex, our view of it is a little skewed..that's all. 

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Martyr-like

So I have dished up this awful awful dinner of boiled sprouts for myself. I am all by myself tonight and wondering why did I put myself through this, instead of ordering a juicy tandoori chicken leg! Bongs don't go on a diet..even pseudo bongs don't. Am just in a martyr sort of a mood right now. I had all of four lines written in this post explaining the lack of posts over the past few months. But hell, this is my space. I ain't explaining anything to anyone!

Your problems are wholly and solely your own. In your head, you probably have magnified it by a scale of 10-100 (depending on your self pity quotient) and it seems like the end of the world. This is how it is supposed to be. Irrespective of global warming and tsunamis, what we really fret over is our own skewed lives. And skewed they are. In ways, big and small. Yes, Osama died and I am glad one less from the death brigade. But you know human nature. Self centered as we all are. All I am thinking about is why my right hand won't go back to the way it was..straight and pain free. No, this isn't about my hand. Just that, we don't look beyond our own mess. Maybe its not as bad as we think it is.

As I munch on my bowlful of awfulness (read my dinner), am thinking let's cure this. People change. Altruism is still there somewhere. So big deal if things are not going right. Maybe today is not your day. Or this month ain't your month. On a completely unrelated note, you know what time of the day is the worst for keeping promises to yourself. Early morning! Sleep can help you give a logical reason for not doing everything you promised you would, the next morning.

There's a little bit of madness in everyone. Some call it impulse. Some call it eccentricity. Some find it when they meet other people. Some induce it in others. However it is, don't lose it. An overdose of sanity makes life very bland. Did I tell you how much I hate logic? World would've been a simpler, happier place without logic. I don't make sense today. I think its the dinner. That and my skewed hand makes me a grumpy writer. More on a happier note.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Ambidextrous

As a kid, when I learned to use my limbs in a somewhat coordinated fashion, I chose my left hand as my errands hand. So I picked and threw things, doodled on walls, hid important stuff, dropped and broke some other important stuff, waved an awkward bye...all of it with my left hand. Back then, it was a frowned upon habit. Right now it is cool to be left-handed. Some say it is a sign of intelligence! Imagine how close I came to being an intelligent geek..sigh! the opportunities we miss in life! :D Anyway..so Ma forced right-handedness on me. The devoted kid that I am, I moved from left-handedness to ambidexterity to right-handedness :) The ease with which kids learn things..its quite amazing.

A couple of decades down the line (okay okay..add a few more years to that), am back to using my left hand for everything. I think it still nurses the hurt of being rejected years back, because it refuses to obey my commands! To think that your brain has control of your body! :( Slowly, now am moving towards ambidexterity again. Slow being the keyword here, to my utter frustration.

I thought infants do it all the time, how difficult can it be? Lie in bed. Eat food in bed. Vegetate day in and day out. Only to get up in times of necessity (okay, everything can't be infant-like u know!). Now I know how difficult...and if your kid is cranky and crying, its only because he can't walk out, soak up the sun and run into oblivion :P

Since TV is the only source of entertainment, I have started watching everything. Thank god for my appetite for movies, no matter how trashy they are. These national geographic kinda channels show walruses and snakes at an alarming frequency. Are they going extinct by any chance? I also caught an episode of elephant humping on one of these channels. I mean really...why in god's name should one be educated about how baby elephants are born! They should have an age rating for these channels! Very disturbing stuff. :-/ I finally saw Star Trek and liked it. Realized I can't watch Potter movies anymore. That hot men make movies watchable. That I can still watch Friends and go silly laughing over it (Can I be more addicted! :) ). There are too many dating shows with freaks in them. And its not funny. I actually know the story of one of those Star Plus serials. I rate it better than the dating shows. And last but definitely not the least, after spending so many hours watching the match yest (u know..me and cricket..its a task!), the draw was UNFAIR! :(

Sunshine came back to Chennai (mental high-five :)). We had plans u know. To make up for all the time lost. Travelling..partying..sigh! All the planning went down the drain with one swift projectile landing on Patna station amidst Bihari cries of concern. Goa's on the cards though (\m/). I got parental approval too :P.

Enough now. Bed beckons. And some more TV. More trivia later.

Footnote - You value when u lose. Be it activity in a limb or a dear one. So be nice. To yourself and those around you.


Thursday, February 03, 2011

Now and then

My sanity amidst all the insanity. My faith when all goes wrong. My one-stop shop for nonsense. My most brutal critics. My support system. My comfort. Sam and Divs. They define the person I am in more ways than I can describe. Divs' marriage was just another reminder of how much they mean. A decade went by in a blink. And still, in that blink of an eye, we all grew up. Saw the world. Met new people. Met some amazing people. We all moved on and still, we are the same people when we meet.

Enough mush! Here's to new beginnings and old-timers :) :*


Wednesday, February 02, 2011

But I have promises to keep

Its February already. Guess I am a tad late for resolutions, but I did start writing this post sometime in Jan. That does count for something eh? :) So here goes another long list of things I might not end up doing this year..or might just :)

I'll be good. Not the jerk you knew last year. :) Or before that. And by the end of it, if you still don't like me, maybe we are not the kind of people who would click ;)

I'll jog. On roads. Get that expensive pair of shoes which won't let my knees go bust. I'll plug in knopfler and shut everything out. And then I'll run. That one hour will be mine. Absolutely selfishly mine.

I'll be a little less blunt. Only a little, mind you. Apparently, people don't like it too much. Wonder why. Guess honesty IS a little overrated. If I were you, I would be betting my money against this resolution for sure.

I'll invent this shield (literal one) which can deflect all forms of pressure that comes with being single and on the wrong side of 25. As a forewarning, it might shoot you down if you come close with questions like 'So, when do you plan to settle down...2011..2012..2050?'. :-/ More realistically, I'll just curse you with my black tongue :D

I'll manage money better. Where does my paycheck go..really! One day I see this cool looking number and then like terrible dark magic, its just gone! :( So I am going to consciously save. Not for rainy days. But for my next resolution.

I'll travel. I have this entire wishlist of places. Independence is a good ingredient for one's travel plans. All I need to figure out is how to convince the company (I mean travelling company :))

I push people away. For no good reason. This year, I'll hold them close. You know that person who won't take calls for days and months and build this world-proof wall all around. And then stay within that isolation chamber for a long long time. That person is me. I wouldn't put up with myself when like that, no reason why anyone else should. :) So yeah, I'll call you next time I am down and out.

I'll judge a little less. Ummmm okay..scrap this one. How does one ever stop judging! People who claim they don't are lying piteously. I know I judge all the time. I judge people by their shoes, their sense of humour, their taste in alcohol (you are in my good books in case of scotch, beer and wine :P) and a zillion other things. Won't divulge too much. Don't want you in my head. :)

Stop being needy. Quoting straight from someone's blog - You know how dogs can sense fear? Well, we humans can sense neediness. Its okay to be alone. And its commendable to be comfortable with only yourself for company. Might not last too long, but one should try..I think.

Remember birthdays! Can't tell you how much I suck at it. Or maybe you do know. For the record, I am absolutely okay with you not wishing me on my birthday. :) But yes, I am going to try remembering yours. Even if I (or my call) don't make it to the phirang 00:00 am wish, sometime during the day you shall hear from me.

Procrastinate less. 

I could go on and on. And some more. We keep trying to change something or the other about ourselves. The new year just brings around an excuse to take stock. At the end of the day, there is only that much that we can change about ourselves consciously. Rest is all evolution. :)

Monday, January 10, 2011

As I ramble on about random things

No, this one ain't about new year resolutions. I need another month..okay, I'll cut that down to a week..I need another week to figure out what all I want to do this year. How good I want to be..how lazy I want to be or how serious I want to be. The madness won't cease. I know I'll still ride extreme highs and extreme lows..like the last year and the one before that and so on. Moderation in any form will never be on any of my lists. :) Or any of yours, if you are around me. :P


Have I mentioned before how much I like clicking people? I have an ancient cam (yes, they don't even make it anymore) and everyone who knows me, knows the oldie too. Because they have all been subjected to its overbearing presence. :) I don't like it when people say 'Smile!' and they click. Makes me cringe. And so the collection of funny faces that are my solo pics (as you can see :P).I don't like clicking leaves and boxes and doors. I guess they do make interesting subjects, but one's got to have that eye for detail. I probably don't. I like expressions. I like a subtle smile. I like eyes which talk. I like sun rays and how they light up one's face. I like you in my pics if you ain't looking at me. :) I actually think my camera works better if I sometimes talk to it and it generally throws a tantrum when I ignore it for sometime. Now that I have given enough proof of my insanity, I shall stop.

Last weekend was a weekend full of people. After all my rambling about solitude and loneliness, this was as fresh a change as beer after a self-inflicted detox. Ummm..okay don't think am good at analogies..but you get my point. :) So, you know, these friends who make me feel as warm as ma's rare hugs...they were here...and although we didn't do anything apart from chilling (which btw is a very important verb in itself ;) ), the weekend was spent as idyllic weekends are meant to be spent. Dig out those old jokes...poke some fun about the not-so-cool things we did in college..double over laughing over nonsensical things, just to realise that just maybe some people aren't getting the point at all and are laughing with you, because u look outright silly...some quiet times..some dazed times..some music and a lot of inebriation..some dirty dancing to sheila ki jawani in good ol' chennai (yes they played munni too and yes, as always, only the girls were a part of the dirty dancing!)..some of this and some of that. :) Smiles were easy and they reached your eyes. I think smiles which don't reach one's eyes are worse off than an ugly frown.

Read somewhere that happiness is what you make yourself. Struck a chord somewhere. The moment you depend, you give away a part of you. As true as that is, the person I am will always be defined by the people I care about. If I have loved you, I have a part of you somewhere in me. A small part of me is the person you wanted me to be. To exist happily just on your own..well, you might as well have lived on Mars then! For me..I shall weave my dreams around you. I shall live my life on my own terms but my happiness will always depend on your presence..in my thoughts and more. :)