Saturday, September 26, 2009

So Blue!

It is one of those days. People call it a blue day. Don't know why. Always liked the colour blue. Nothing wrong with it. Grey would have been more like it. But you get what I mean to say. Its a Saturday. Am at home, with my family after a very long time. It is Durga Pujo, the one festival that gives Bengalis a high, even alcohol can't match upto. And still, I feel low. And I don't know why.

So I try to cure it. I call up friends. Ones who make me smile instantly with their wisecracks. Even though most are on me. I hear about their fun times, their stories, plans for the day. And the moron that I am, I am not happy for them. Don't judge me. Blame it on the day.

Its one of those days that make me think of the people I lost out on. Friends who walked away. I miss them. Not that I would change anything. Because things are the way they are, for a reason. But I think of them. In those odd moments when I stare in space. And the space throws back a fun moment with them. A joke shared with them. And I smile. Smile about the eccentricities. And then the grey feeling takes over.

Life shouldn't be about lost friends, lost moments, unsaid words...what could have been..what should have been. Life's what's happening now. As I write these lines. This place I call home. Those people who are still around. The smiles that still get me through the day. The voices that make me feel warm. So I fight this feeling. For those who walked away, I survive without you. But I still think about you. For those who stayed, I love you all. Unconditionally. You know I do.

Tomorrow will be a new day. A happier day. And I will write again. About happier times. About the insanity that comes with being me. And I realise with every day, that that's me. Eccentric, weird, crazy, lazy, happy, sad, mean, selfish....sometimes all at once..sometimes one at a time. For those who know me, don't say I didn't warn you.

And for the long blue day.....even this shall pass!